What’s YOUR ideal self?

This photo was posted on Facebook and there were numerous positive comments but sadly there was also negative feedback.

Comments like:

“Not Sexy”

“Grandma Ass”

‘No Muscle tone”

I am always saddened when people are quick to criticize. I think they missed the purpose of this picture; it’s telling women to love themselves.  Be confident, feel sexy and people will see you that way.  If you have curves love them, if you are naturally lean love your frame. The message we should be getting is be the best healthiest version of you, not society’s version of what’s sexy.

Trends change and so does societies perceptions, in the era of the lovely Marilyn Monroe the hour-glass figure was the sign of a real women.  I am sure all the lean, more athletic type figures were berating themselves for not having enough meat on their bodies, bigger breast and hips. Now skinny is what is being promoted as the new ‘Sexy’ and every women over a size 6 is freaking out (sadly I too get sucked into this).

We should be promoting ‘Healthy’ as the new sexy. Our bodies are an individual as our personalities. No two bodies are the same nor should we strive to be the same as someone else.  Even the beautiful Ms. Monroe struggled with self-confidence and society’s demands for her to live up to her sex symbol status. We will never live up to other people’s ideals so why bother trying …live up to YOUR ideal.

My ideal:

To be an injury free (currently treating tendonitis in my wrist and tennis elbow), perfectly healthy size 10 woman, that eats healthy 80% 75% of the time with the 20%  25% beer and nacho nights.

Now tell me what’s YOUR ideal?

A perfect man sighting…

Ladies I had one of those rare encounters  that you hear about in dark pubs after a few pints.. you know the “I have a friend whose cousin’s – dog walker’s – sister met the perfect man.  These are the  stories your friends tell you in order to keep your hopes up and to stop you from falling into the state of hairy legs,  Sakira roots and track pants, otherwise know as “defeat”. I normally humour my friends and nod smiling politely thinking I probably need to shave my legs and get a hair cut hence  why I am getting the  my cousin’s friends’ dog walker’s- sister speech. However last weekend while working at a Consumer Fitness and Wellness trade show I ran into the Perfect Man!

When I first spied the perfect man I was setting up  for the show and he was two booths over. He had his back to me, but he stopped me in my tracks. I stood there waiting for him to turn around, when he did… he smiled!  I was left standing there dazed with my thighs quivering and that’s when I knew I  just had a perfect man encounter.

The next day I got to chat with ‘The Perfect Man’ only to find out that he was from another province but I should have known that because there is scientific evidence out there  somewhere that proves that  ‘The Perfect Man’ does not reside in Toronto.

On day two of the show I had asked him about his business I got the feeling that I was making him nervous. I momentarily indulged in the belief that I had the same effect on him as he did me. Could I possibly be ‘That Girl’? Then reality hits me that this is not a John Hughes movie and the hot jock is not crushing on the cute average girl.  So I do what I do best … I insult him by calling him a fitness pimp.  My inner voice and outer voice are constantly at battle with each other; sadly for me the outer voice always wins. HOWEVER since he is ‘The Perfect Man’ he laughed.

Later in the day I was feeling overly confident so I  ask him if he wanted to switch jobs with me since our booth was extremely busy… Smiling he said ‘Sure, should we switch clothes as well?‘  I look him up and down (told you I was feeling overly confident) smile and say ‘ that goes without saying’  then I could feel my face get hot so I knew I was turning 50 shades of red. (SNAP…confidence just flew out the window)  I had to look away from him but damn ‘The Perfect Man’ he kept looking over and giving me  ‘I know you like me smile’.

The show ends we say our goodbyes, I wish him safe travels and today I am left with vague memories of  my ‘Perfect Man’ encounter and once again my belief is dwindling and I am wondering did that really happen. Does the ‘Perfect Man’ Exist?

Ladies if you have had a ‘Perfect Man’ encounter please share…. let’s keep the hope alive that he DOES exist.

 

 

Diner en Blanc Toronto…

Dîner en Blanc’s  is thousands of people (1400 people were in attendance last night) , dressed all in white, and conducting themselves with the greatest decorum ( I didn’t get this memo) , elegance (oops or this one), and etiquette (got this memo and only filled my wine glass half way), all meet for a mass “chic picnic” in a public space that is not disclosed to its participants until the last-minute.

Last night in the pouring rain I attended this event; I went with another single gal pal as her guest. Traditionally it should be a man and woman dinning together but times have changed! What’s a single gal to do when she has no gay man in her life (I say gay man because what straight man not stuck in 80’s  has white pants?) She has to call on her single gal pal; this is where I come in.

To attend this event you need to be dressed in all white, bring your own table, chairs, white table-cloth, white dinner plates, and cutlery. You can bring your own food or you had a choice between three menu options that were professionally catered. We ordered our dinner and wine (3 bottles to be exact) ahead of time.

I have to admit I went into this with a bit of a pissy attitude for a couple of reasons:

1)      I had to wear all white something that did not occur to me until a couple of days before, yes I realized the name of the event gives it away but I was in denial.  White is not my friend, we have a love hate relationship… I love to spill stuff all over it and it hates to make me look good.

2)      It rained all day and I had to wear all white. We had to wait around in the rain, my hair that started off curly and pretty went straight and frizzy but on a good note I was told it smelled fabulous!

I did end up haing a great time once the rain stopped and an amazing thing happens when you add alcohol… you get this:

Here are some other pics of the evening taken by the more refined part of my group:

It turned out to be a fabulous evening. I will do this again next year but hopefully there will be no rain!

Cheers to trying new things!

Does size matter?

Could you date someone who you aren’t physically attracted to? For me, this question came along with a few dates I recently went on with a guy who is substantially shorter than me. Believe me, I am not a tall gal. I am all of 5’-5” but due to my love of heals, I typically linger in the 5’-8” range.  My suitor was only about 5’…..

We met at my yoga studio where we would occasionally sit and chat after class. I thought he seemed short, but we never ended up actually standing side by side (despite my attempts here and there to stand up early)! One day he asked for my number, which then proceeded with him asking me to meet him for drinks one evening. When he walked into the pub for our date, I have to admit that my heart sank as I saw how the top of his head only came up to my chin……However, the date itself went really well! He was confident, funny, intelligent and while we were sitting, I was able to forget about our height discrepancy. That is, until we stood up and walked around for a bit afterwards and I felt like I towered above him. I immediately became very uncomfortable again with our height difference. (How many of you saw that episode of Sex in the City where Samantha meets the short guy at the bar?)

I come from a family of tall men (strike that; very tall men!) where they are all well above 6’ (tallest brother is 6’-7” down to 6-2”!) and have never dated anyone shorter than 6’. I am used to being the shortest and that is where I am comfortable. But, although this scenario was out of my comfort zone, he seemed like a really nice guy so I decided to give it another go! Plus, I couldn’t help but ask myself if was I discounting this guy too quickly based on the physical package alone. Could I get over this? My own mother indicated that this may be why I’m still single (easy for her to say since she married a tall man that she thought was handsome!).

For our second date, he surprised me with a picnic dinner! It was incredibly thoughtful and it showed that he had clearly put some work into this date! It was definitely a romantic setting. Only it didn’t exactly feel romantic to me. I became painfully aware from the moment I got into his car that I was not attracted to him or interested in any type of physical relationship whatsoever. This despite his efforts to kiss me, massage me and feed me the entire time. I spent the evening trying to avoid physical contact, which was not exactly an easy task with this guy! Confidence is definitely attractive, but I was a bit surprised that he was not picking up on my continuous pulling away.

I know it is a European trait for a man to want to feed a woman, but I was quite uncomfortable with it and I do have to admit that I like my space and don’t always like to be constantly touched. I felt a little like I was the cat in the “Pepe Le Pew” cartoon.

Perhaps it is the way we women think, but I did not want to end a date that he had put so much thought and effort into by telling him that I did not see our relationship progressing into anything. So instead I gave him a short kiss and thanked him for a lovely evening.

I ended up phoning him a few nights later (after receiving a few text messages from him that again showed me we were not on the same page) to let him know that although I had a wonderful time with him that I did not see any type of romantic relationship developing with us and that I did not have feelings for him in that way. He said that he respected the fact that I was upfront and honest and we parted ways.

Was 2 dates enough to make up my mind about someone? Well, I definitely think so. I do think there has to be some sort of a spark or at least a bit of attraction. However, I do sometimes worry that I am looking for something that doesn’t actually exist; the perfect guy.
Do you think I am being to picky?  Would you date someone who you we not attracted to in hopes of forming an attraction? Is height an issue for you?

Commando Barbie

 

 

My dating life has become a Seinfeld episode

Last Friday I went on a date…The first date of 2012! Everyone raise your hands up! I met him at a pub the week before and he seemed nice enough so I gave him my number and he text me a couple of days later. Normally texting irritates me but I seem to be the only one out there that thinks when you ask for a girl’s number you should call that girl.

We set up a coffee date, my choice because I thought it wise to get to know someone without the influence of alcohol. We meet outside of Starbucks, I realize that he reminds me of William Shatner (a young William Shatner) he even talked like him but lower and slower.

We grab coffee and head to the upstairs lounge; it was empty except for the one girl on her laptop at the other end of the room. He starts talking in a whisper I assume it was because of the girl on the laptop, but she was too busy chewing big wads of her hair and answering her numerous text messages to notice anything else around her.  I found the whisper a little off-putting because I did not hear half of what he said, and he did not move his lips so I could not lip read if I wanted to.

Shortly after a group of people sat down and started a lively conversation, but he did not get any louder and that’s when I realized I was on a date with a ‘Low Talker’ damn Seinfeld! He probably thought I was a close talker because I had to lean in hear him, which may have been a deal breaker for him as the low talking was for me.

I got through the date but I’m not sure how it ended, he said something about nachos and I replied sounds good. I may have agreed to a nacho date or maybe he said he really like nachos.

I walked home laughing because I know without a doubt my friends would have a field day if I dated a low talker. All in all it was not such a bad date, he seemed nice enough but he is definitely not a match for me.

If a date isn’t what you expected, it’s best just to laugh it off. Find the humor because it is the only way to survive in the dating game.

Have one of your dates felt like a Seinfeld episode?

Goodbye Bad Dates!

Need to be saved from a bad date? Not to worry there is an app for that! eHarmony has created a Bad Date Rescue app.

Here’s how the free app works:

  • Users can pick a number from their address book for the call, from their mother, boss or a friend.
  •  Scripts are available giving the reason for the call, such as a neighbor calling about a leaky pipe; a mother informing that a sister just had a baby; or a boss saying he needs help immediately.
  •  The app can be pre-set before the date to call at a specific time and there is a quick rescue that can be triggered on the spot to ring in a few seconds or minutes.

Why didn’t they think of this 2 years ago when I had my date with Mr. 1986! I’ve just downloaded this app and good news is you do not need to be a member of eHarmony to use it. I wonder if they will come out with a ‘Guaranteed Date’ app (or is the Craig’s List?) so that I can test out the ‘Bad Date Rescue’ app.

Why doesn’t someone create a ‘Bad Life Choices Do Over’ app  or  ‘You’re Wearing Beer Goggles slap in the face’ app to stop us from making the drunken pick up.

If you try this app let us know we’d love to hear your stories.

Cheers to getting out of bad dates!

The rules to Dog Park…

I think this will hit a nerve for you dog lovers out there. Last week while at the dog park with Daisy, two twats walk up to our little doggie play group and made the following comments:

“I don’t really like dogs, why do they always have to lick?”  – Well if you are lucky enough to receive a doggie kiss it’s because they see something good in you and want to share the unconditional love that only dogs can have.  That’s why dogs are better than people; they can see beauty in everything even when it is undeserved.

“Dogs are so stupid all they do is jump and lick” – Once again they jump and lick because they are happy to see you and it is their way of showing love, if only people could be so stupid.

“What kind of dog is this (referring to Daisy) she is so ugly” – Nothing is ugly when it is loved

First rule to dog park – DO NOT go to a dog park if you don’t like dogs!

Second rule to dog park – DO NOT call someone’s dog ugly or stupid!

Third rule to dog park – DO NOT go to a dog park if you don’t like dogs!

Now the next time someone calls Daisy ugly, unlike my beautiful forgiving pup I’ll probably punch them in the face. Hey I have a long way to go before I’m as good as person as Daisy is.

Are you alone, lonely or both?

If you’re single you are alone – meaning that you do not have a life partner; but are you lonely?

Lonely – The painful awareness of being alone

How do you know if you’ve crossed the line of aloneness into loneliness? I’ve crossed that line and I’m no longer happy being alone because let’s face it I’m lonely. Here are the things that made me painfully aware I am alone:

1)      Concerts – Summertime is usually a big concert going time of year for me, I love live music and I love going to big music events.  In the past I had a few people who I could call upon to join me in getting our ‘Rock On’.  However ‘Coupledom’ has claimed them and I cannot impose my crazy concert fetish on them any longer. This year that awareness hit me full force in the face and with that I realized… I’m lonely.

2)      Parties – I am the person that is always showing up alone and NOT because it is my choice.

3)      The warm weather – During the winter months it is easy to hideout and away from people because it’s just too damn cold (my go to excuse). However come spring / summer every time I leave the house I see couples frolicking about. It’s one more reminder that another season has passed and I am still alone.

4)      My iPhone – I love my phone it’s great as a paperweight, for listening to tunes, surfing the net, and getting the weekly calls from mom. It is also my constant reminder that no one is calling me to hangout or see how my day is going. When I go away with the girls they all get messages of – have a great trip, I miss you, and I can’t wait until you come home, etc.  I get a message from cellular provider to remind me that I’ve used 75% of my data plan.

5)      Movies – I love watching movies and every time I see a commercial for a new flick that I would like to see such as ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ or Savages it’s another reminder that I have no one to go with.

6)      Snooki – YES Snooki from Jersey Shores has found love.

Come on! Seriously this boggles my mind, she can find love and I can’t even get a movie date.

So what’s a gal to do when she realizes that she is lonely? I think we just need to ride the lonely wave, cry if you feel like it, feel sorry for yourself, devour a bag of chips, Mint Milano’s or tub of ice cream, write out the reasons why you are happy to be single

Do whatever it is you want to do to acknowledge this feeling. Then get over it! We cannot let loneliness take over our lives, it’s just a moment and like all moments it too will pass and you will go back to being happily alone.

Are you happy to be alone or are you lonely? What do you do to get through the lonely phase of Singledom?

Hot dude to have a fun sex affair with, interested?

While I was blissfully sleeping during the wee hours of Sunday morning, my phone was beeping like mad with text messages. Turns out Nerdy Girl (formerly Single Chick) was on the hunt to find me a booty call. Yes it’s gotten so bad that even my girlfriends are worried the my Va J-J may wither up and die.

I think this is a hint that I need to put myself out there. To be honest I kind of lost interest in my single status.  I’m busy with my 101 in  1001 days list, planning my next vacation, working out, trying to cook and getting up the nerve to book ‘The Edge Walk‘ for my birthday on August 25.

Turns out this major cutie is a friend of a friend, so Nerdy Girl told him all about me (Oh my) and gave him my number.  According to her he seemed interested; I think her drunk meter was at 100% so her perception of his interest is probably way off. However it would be great if he did call because I would love to hear his recap of that conversation.

Are your friends trying to fix you up with random strangers?

Have any of these fix ups ever amounted to anything?

If he calls should I go on a date with him?

Are you overlooking someone?

A few weeks back I had a conversation with a friend’s parents (Roxy and The Big V) in which they said ‘Ok, Kiddo why are you still single?” Since their daughter and one of my BFF”s (formerly known on this blog as Single Chick) is currently in relationship land and they can sleep at night; now it is me that they inquire about.

Roxy asked me if there was someone right under my nose that I am over looking. I thought about it and sadly there is no one sniffing around my door. You see Single Chick had someone right under her nose, and he was very forward about his feelings for her. It took her some time (numerous bad dates) to realize that what she was looking for was right in front of her. They have been together as a couple for just over a year and are very happy.

Also my friend Gabbers who has been married for 10 years was friends with her hubby. He had made it clear that he liked her but she did not think they were a good match and should just be friends. Finally he got tired of hearing about her dates and told her they should be together. He then kissed her and they have been together ever since.

Next is Deeeelicious who is now living with the man the patiently waited almost two years for her to realize that they should be together. He too told her he wanted more than friendship but she said they should just be friends. Then on New Year’s Eve he grabbed her and kissed her; now they own a home together.

I have men in my life but I do not have someone on the sidelines vying for my love like Single Chick, Gabbers or Deeelicious. Or if I do he has not informed me of this but I can’t even fathom anyone in my current circle longing for my affections.

Guys if you are ‘that guy’ waiting for the girl of your dreams to take notice, follow in the footsteps of the men mentioned above. Grab your gal pal, kiss her and tell her you’ve had enough and if she doesn’t want you then you will leave her alone; you are done waiting! You have about a 90% chance of success, that’s  better than the 0% that you have right now.

I do not have someone who I’m pushing away with claims of ‘we are better off friends’; do you? Is there someone patiently waiting for you to realize that the two of you, are meant to be together? If so what’s holding you back?

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