How to survive the online dating world

I grew up in the 90’s dating era, it was a time when you met a boy, he took your number and YES he called you. Usually, it ended up being a relationship. Imagine that meeting and investing time to get to know each other, how primitive.

Now I must contend with online dating, I have never been a fan but how does one find a life partner when you can’t go to events or social gatherings. I conceded defeat and joined Bumble, I like the concept that the woman has control, and that users can’t see when you are online.  I have been on the app for two months, had many conversations that go nowhere. I make 3 attempts to engage in conversation but it’s usually one-word answers with no real follow up.  

If you can breakthrough and have a conversation and it moves to talking outside the app (Second Base in the online dating world) it can go one of three ways.

1. After the first hey this Blah Blah Blah text he will ask for more pics, usually Tit Pics
2. You keep talking and set up at date. Then they will just disappear off the face of the earth until one day the Aliens send them back and they WILL reach out to you a week or two later with “Hey how’s it going?”
3. You make it to a date only to find out that the pics were from 10 years ago when he was 60lbs lighter and had hair. Post current pictures please that way if someone swipes right, they are interested in the person they see now not 10 years ago.  I know it’s hard to put yourself out there and as you get older you want to hang on to those glory days. But just do it because your person is out there, and they will eventually find you.  Yes, even after all this I am hopeful that my person will find me.

So how do you survive online dating?

1. Focus on yourself, start a self-care routine. I’ve bought a spin bike and have been working out daily. I am lucky enough to have medical plan that allows me to use it for alternative health practices. I have gone to the naturopath, got a couple of massages, next will be acupuncture. All things the strengthen my wellbeing. The better your feel about yourself the less you care when thing go nowhere online.
2. Delete your account! If you find that you are getting jaded or depressed by it all it’s time to delete your account. I do believe we attract what we are putting out. If we are expecting to meet mister Tit Pic we will meet him just to confirm our belief that they are all like that.
3. Maybe you have meet someone with strong potential and want thing to move along but you must deal with them and all their options or what they perceive are options. When the reality is the pool is not that big. You must come to terms that this may drag on and you may never meet, it’s up to you to decide how long you are willing to stick it out.  If you do this keep your options open as well.

Good luck out there, I know you can find what you are looking for just don’t lose yourself in the process. When that person comes along hopefully it will just flow and everything will easily fall into place. Be strong, take care of yourself and remember you are not alone. The struggle is real, but we need to believe that the universe has our back and will send that perfect person our way when the time is right.

How to Stop Self-Criticism in 6 steps

As women we tend to be very critical of ourselves. It’s easy for us to sincerely praise and validate others but when it comes to valuing ourselves, we tend to be very critical and unforgiving. We need to quiet our critical inner voice as this will be one of the best self-love things we’ll ever do.

How to Stop Self-Criticizing

I have listed six steps to help quiet your inner critic. Go through the steps and you’ll discover a more peaceful and happy existence.

Follow these steps:

Step 1 – Acknowledge that self-criticism can be damaging. It destroys your self-esteem, confidence and prevents you from going after your dreams. Not to mention wreak havoc on your mental wellbeing.

Step 2 – Write down your criticisms and go through them one by one and ask yourself, “Is this really valid?” chances are it’s NOT, now cross it off your list.

Step 3 – Look at each criticism that you wrote down and figure out when that narrative began. Take time to resolve why you feel that way and forgive yourself.

Step 4 – Now it’s time to release the negative remarks from your repertoire because they simply hold no validity for you now. Create a list of positive remarks that way when a self-criticism pops in your head you have a positive to quickly replace that thought.

Step 5 – Replace your critical voice with the kind, supportive, caring voice you use with loved ones.

Step 6 – Stay focused, keep working at achieving your desires. You can challenge the validity of any criticism simply by continuing with your efforts.

Your got this, you are worthy of all that you desire. If you fall back into old habits of self-criticism just redo that steps. Now go and be the most confident, successful being that you were meant to be.

Remember your status may be Single but you’re not alone!

Bissell Steam Mop – Review

This isn’t a sexy post but a real life Covid cleaning review. I have always been a bit clean freak and I love to clean – weird I know, but I find it therapeutic – this can be addressed in another post.

I’m always looking for new, environmental and efficient ways to appease my cleaning obsession and I think I’ve found it. I recently bought a Bissell steam mop for my hardwood floors and I want to let you know it’s a life changer. I don’t know why I never got on this train before but now that I have, I may never leave. 

I have 2 pups who are bougie and don’t shed and the condo gets dusty just because they have been working on a construction project not too far from me. I thought vacuuming and using my Bona was good – then I invested in this steam mop and I can’t say enough about it. The first time I used it I knew we were meant for each other. The dirt (yes dirt!) that it picked up was incredible. I also noticed that less dust and hair accumulated before my next full cleaning.

I got my steam mop on sale for around $135 CDN through the Bissell Canada website. It’s quiet, it’s compact (great for small places), it works and it’s environmental – just filtered water which becomes a heavy-duty steam.

If you want to clean with steam instead of chemicals this one’s for you. You will not be disappointed.

Yours,

What Foods Can You Can Eat Every Day That Suppress Your Appetite

Are you currently trying to lose unwanted weight? Are you struggling with cravings and mindless eating? Are you feeling hungry, but you have reached your calorie limit for the day?

Try adding the following foods in your diet:

1. Ginger. Ginger has a strong, pleasant flavor, and helps you avoid overeating. I know ginger is a hard sell, but it has so many health benefits it’s worth getting use to. Start with Ginger tea, it’s mild and may help with you lose weight.

 I had the worst chest infection back in 2015 (Covid-15 perhaps?) I went through a round of antibiotics and that did not help. I fought this thing for 3 months; I could barely breath and every day was a struggle. Then one night while out, a friend could hear my labored breathing, she told me to eat a piece of ginger with raw honey 3 times a day. I did just that, it was hard at first but by day 3 I could breathe, and I have been a big promoter of ginger ever since.

• Add a little grated Ginger to your smoothies and meals. Make ginger tea or buy Ginger Tea bags. You can even eat slices of crystallized ginger.
  
  
  • Ginger is loaded with antioxidants, has fiber, amino acids, and helps your body ward off germs. Ginger’s antibacterial power helps keeps your mouth healthy. It’s a natural nausea remedy. It also has anti-inflammatory properties that help sooth sore muscles, eases arthritis symptoms, lowers blood sugar, eases menstrual cramps, helps lower cholesterol, and helps you fight off chest infections. Basically, Ginger is the bomb!
    
    
• Avocado. The avocado fruit (Yes, it’s a fruit!) has many health benefits. It has more potassium than a Banana. Avocadoes are loaded with fiber which make you feel full. They have heart healthy monounsaturated fatty acids (the good fats), which has natural appetite suppressant properties.

• Although there are many calories and fat in avocados, they are a healthier option than junk food and sugary treats.
  
  
  • Have avocado toast for breakfast, not only is it healthy but you’ll be one of the cool kids. Apparently, it all the rage with the hipsters. You can also add it to salads and smoothies or use it as a base for sauces and dips.

• Cayenne pepper. Spice things up with cayenne pepper it will help suppress your appetite and aid in weight loss. One study found that using cayenne pepper can makes you eat fewer calories, so why not try it.
  
  
  • The chemicals in cayenne pepper help boost the metabolism, make you feel less hungry and help burn fat in the body.
    
    
  • Add Cayenne pepper to your meals as you cook. It can be sprinkled on salads and added to soups. However, be careful to not keep it near your cinnamon, you may grab the wrong spice and load your oatmeal up with Cayenne, I can tell you it’s a rude awakening.
    
    
• Apples. An apple a day keeps the doctor and unwanted pounds away.

The fiber and pectin in apples can make you feel full, so you’re less likely overeat.

• Apples are crunchy, juicy and sweet! They can feed the craving for sugar and the craving for something crunchy without sabotaging your weight loss goals.

• Apples take more time to chew than other foods. This gives your body the time to process what you’re eating and send signals to your brain that you’re full faster.
  
  
  • The multiple varieties of apples also keep things interesting, however my favourite are the Pink Ladies.

Simply put… they’re juicy, they’re crunchy, they’re Delicious!

Enjoy these natural appetite suppressants as you diet. Keep in mind that exercise and a generally healthy overall eating plan are also important for losing weight.

Guilty pleasure Friday – Kingdom edition

Last week Queen B shared with us how she is entertaining herself with TikTok to help get through the pandemic.  I have not gone down that road, because I have Netflix to finish.

Yes, binge watching shows is my go-to, it started last March with Tiger King and I haven’t stopped. I can usually get through a season of something in a weekend. I have been watching Kingdom for the last 3 months, this series is only 3 seasons and I am currently on the 3^rd season now, but I need to take breaks from it.  Why? Because I absolutely love Jay Kulina.

Why I am obsessed with Jay Kulina…

I love this character because he’s sexy, witty and lives life like it’s his last day on earth. He trains hard, parties hard and loves hard.  Having a mother who had abandoned him has left him with deep seeded emotional issues. Even though he can be hot temper it is not without reason, he is fiercely protective of the people that he loves. As one love interest put it “His heart is too big for this world”.

Also, he can fill out a pair of man panties! Damn!

Why I need to take a break from Kingdom?

This show has everything, drama, romance, and MMA fighting. But I need to take breaks because Jay consumes my thoughts, I am embarrassed to say I cannot get the man out of my head. I think about what he has gone through and what he is going through. I understand his struggle to better himself and no one seeing him as nothing but the hot-headed fighter.

 I often wonder why is it so hard to meet to man like Jay? A man that has a passion for something, is loyal, will protect you at all cost and love you like there is no other.  Really what this comes down to is we need the world to go back to normal. I need to get out there and start meeting people so that I can stop fantasizing about a TV character!

In the meantime, I will get my Jay fix weekly and hope by the time I am done I can go back out in to the world.

Can you relate to this? Is there a TV crush that keeps you distracted? What have you been bingeing and why?

Got an interview?

It’s been almost two years since I lost my job and the day I lost my job, I immediately went online and started job hunting. The next day I got phone call asking if I could come in for an interview on Friday just two days later. Now keep in mind that I did not sleep the night I got the news, nor did I eat that day or the next. I was just running on coffee and a strong will to keep it together. I was excited to have an interview but no where near being emotionally sound enough to handle it. I was still trying to process it all.

The interview…

Interview day arrives, I’m running on 4 hours sleep and a large black coffee. I get there and the doorbell to the office is not working, I’m panicking because I was 15 minutes early and did not want them to think I was late. I call the woman I am meeting to tell her I was outside, she comes to get me and I realized I could have just knocked it was a glass door and a small office (not proud but I was not fully functioning). My interview is with the HR manager and the finance manager, they were both pleasant and very nice. I was no nervous my hands had a life of their own, it got so bad that I sat on them to stop them from flailing all over the place. I eventually said I’m so sorry I am nervous and I really have no idea why my hands are moving so much. This broke the ice and the HR manager said ‘I know dear, I was going to let you know it’s ok, and word of advice if you go on other interviews just let them know you are nervous’. They had asked me when did I get notice of being laid off, I’m shocked them when I said it was 2 days ago, but this also explained to them why I was so nervous.

I survived the interview, even cracked a joke as I was leaving. I’m not 100% sure how I did it but by the end of that day I got offered the job. When I talked to the HR manager she said she liked me before meeting me. She said I was well spoken and she loved my resume. She also proceeded to tell me that she thinks the company will be very lucky to have me. I almost cried because I’m being appreciated before I even get through the door. It was validation that I am worthy and have value in the work place.

I did take that job but have moved on. It was what I needed to keep my head above water because I would not have survived on EI.

The moral of this story is always be yourself and be honest when you feel you are not representing yourself properly. We may feel like a hot mess but others may not see you that way. Remember we are our worst critics.

Good luck to all those on the job hunt, the universe will provide.

Remember you’re not alone!

What’s YOUR ideal self?

This photo was posted on Facebook and there were numerous positive comments but sadly there was also negative feedback.

Comments like:

“Not Sexy”

“Grandma Ass”

‘No Muscle tone”

I am always saddened when people are quick to criticize. I think they missed the purpose of this picture; it’s telling women to love themselves.  Be confident, feel sexy and people will see you that way.  If you have curves love them, if you are naturally lean love your frame. The message we should be getting is be the best healthiest version of you, not society’s version of what’s sexy.

Trends change and so does societies perceptions, in the era of the lovely Marilyn Monroe the hour-glass figure was the sign of a real women.  I am sure all the lean, more athletic type figures were berating themselves for not having enough meat on their bodies, bigger breast and hips. Now skinny is what is being promoted as the new ‘Sexy’ and every women over a size 6 is freaking out (sadly I too get sucked into this).

We should be promoting ‘Healthy’ as the new sexy. Our bodies are an individual as our personalities. No two bodies are the same nor should we strive to be the same as someone else.  Even the beautiful Ms. Monroe struggled with self-confidence and society’s demands for her to live up to her sex symbol status. We will never live up to other people’s ideals so why bother trying …live up to YOUR ideal.

My ideal:

To be an injury free (currently treating tendonitis in my wrist and tennis elbow), perfectly healthy size 10 woman, that eats healthy 80% 75% of the time with the 20%  25% beer and nacho nights.

Now tell me what’s YOUR ideal?

A perfect man sighting…

Ladies I had one of those rare encounters  that you hear about in dark pubs after a few pints.. you know the “I have a friend whose cousin’s – dog walker’s – sister met the perfect man.  These are the  stories your friends tell you in order to keep your hopes up and to stop you from falling into the state of hairy legs,  Sakira roots and track pants, otherwise know as “defeat”. I normally humour my friends and nod smiling politely thinking I probably need to shave my legs and get a hair cut hence  why I am getting the  my cousin’s friends’ dog walker’s- sister speech. However last weekend while working at a Consumer Fitness and Wellness trade show I ran into the Perfect Man!

When I first spied the perfect man I was setting up  for the show and he was two booths over. He had his back to me, but he stopped me in my tracks. I stood there waiting for him to turn around, when he did… he smiled!  I was left standing there dazed with my thighs quivering and that’s when I knew I  just had a perfect man encounter.

The next day I got to chat with ‘The Perfect Man’ only to find out that he was from another province but I should have known that because there is scientific evidence out there  somewhere that proves that  ‘The Perfect Man’ does not reside in Toronto.

On day two of the show I had asked him about his business I got the feeling that I was making him nervous. I momentarily indulged in the belief that I had the same effect on him as he did me. Could I possibly be ‘That Girl’? Then reality hits me that this is not a John Hughes movie and the hot jock is not crushing on the cute average girl.  So I do what I do best … I insult him by calling him a fitness pimp.  My inner voice and outer voice are constantly at battle with each other; sadly for me the outer voice always wins. HOWEVER since he is ‘The Perfect Man’ he laughed.

Later in the day I was feeling overly confident so I  ask him if he wanted to switch jobs with me since our booth was extremely busy… Smiling he said ‘Sure, should we switch clothes as well?‘  I look him up and down (told you I was feeling overly confident) smile and say ‘ that goes without saying’  then I could feel my face get hot so I knew I was turning 50 shades of red. (SNAP…confidence just flew out the window)  I had to look away from him but damn ‘The Perfect Man’ he kept looking over and giving me  ‘I know you like me smile’.

The show ends we say our goodbyes, I wish him safe travels and today I am left with vague memories of  my ‘Perfect Man’ encounter and once again my belief is dwindling and I am wondering did that really happen. Does the ‘Perfect Man’ Exist?

Ladies if you have had a ‘Perfect Man’ encounter please share…. let’s keep the hope alive that he DOES exist.

 

 

Diner en Blanc Toronto…

“Dîner en Blanc’s”  is thousands of people (1400 people were in attendance last night) , dressed all in white, and conducting themselves with the greatest decorum ( I didn’t get this memo) , elegance (oops or this one), and etiquette (got this memo and only filled my wine glass half way), all meet for a mass “chic picnic” in a public space that is not disclosed to its participants until the last-minute.

Last night in the pouring rain I attended this event; I went with another single gal pal as her guest. Traditionally it should be a man and woman dinning together but times have changed! What’s a single gal to do when she has no gay man in her life (I say gay man because what straight man not stuck in 80’s  has white pants?) She has to call on her single gal pal; this is where I come in.

To attend this event you need to be dressed in all white, bring your own table, chairs, white table-cloth, white dinner plates, and cutlery. You can bring your own food or you had a choice between three menu options that were professionally catered. We ordered our dinner and wine (3 bottles to be exact) ahead of time.

I have to admit I went into this with a bit of a pissy attitude for a couple of reasons:

1)      I had to wear all white something that did not occur to me until a couple of days before, yes I realized the name of the event gives it away but I was in denial.  White is not my friend, we have a love hate relationship… I love to spill stuff all over it and it hates to make me look good.

2)      It rained all day and I had to wear all white. We had to wait around in the rain, my hair that started off curly and pretty went straight and frizzy but on a good note I was told it smelled fabulous!

I did end up haing a great time once the rain stopped and an amazing thing happens when you add alcohol… you get this:

Here are some other pics of the evening taken by the more refined part of my group:

It turned out to be a fabulous evening. I will do this again next year but hopefully there will be no rain!

Cheers to trying new things!

Does size matter?

Could you date someone who you aren’t physically attracted to? For me, this question came along with a few dates I recently went on with a guy who is substantially shorter than me. Believe me, I am not a tall gal. I am all of 5’-5” but due to my love of heals, I typically linger in the 5’-8” range.  My suitor was only about 5’…..

We met at my yoga studio where we would occasionally sit and chat after class. I thought he seemed short, but we never ended up actually standing side by side (despite my attempts here and there to stand up early)! One day he asked for my number, which then proceeded with him asking me to meet him for drinks one evening. When he walked into the pub for our date, I have to admit that my heart sank as I saw how the top of his head only came up to my chin……However, the date itself went really well! He was confident, funny, intelligent and while we were sitting, I was able to forget about our height discrepancy. That is, until we stood up and walked around for a bit afterwards and I felt like I towered above him. I immediately became very uncomfortable again with our height difference. (How many of you saw that episode of Sex in the City where Samantha meets the short guy at the bar?)

I come from a family of tall men (strike that; very tall men!) where they are all well above 6’ (tallest brother is 6’-7” down to 6-2”!) and have never dated anyone shorter than 6’. I am used to being the shortest and that is where I am comfortable. But, although this scenario was out of my comfort zone, he seemed like a really nice guy so I decided to give it another go! Plus, I couldn’t help but ask myself if was I discounting this guy too quickly based on the physical package alone. Could I get over this? My own mother indicated that this may be why I’m still single (easy for her to say since she married a tall man that she thought was handsome!).

For our second date, he surprised me with a picnic dinner! It was incredibly thoughtful and it showed that he had clearly put some work into this date! It was definitely a romantic setting. Only it didn’t exactly feel romantic to me. I became painfully aware from the moment I got into his car that I was not attracted to him or interested in any type of physical relationship whatsoever. This despite his efforts to kiss me, massage me and feed me the entire time. I spent the evening trying to avoid physical contact, which was not exactly an easy task with this guy! Confidence is definitely attractive, but I was a bit surprised that he was not picking up on my continuous pulling away.

I know it is a European trait for a man to want to feed a woman, but I was quite uncomfortable with it and I do have to admit that I like my space and don’t always like to be constantly touched. I felt a little like I was the cat in the “Pepe Le Pew” cartoon.

Perhaps it is the way we women think, but I did not want to end a date that he had put so much thought and effort into by telling him that I did not see our relationship progressing into anything. So instead I gave him a short kiss and thanked him for a lovely evening.

I ended up phoning him a few nights later (after receiving a few text messages from him that again showed me we were not on the same page) to let him know that although I had a wonderful time with him that I did not see any type of romantic relationship developing with us and that I did not have feelings for him in that way. He said that he respected the fact that I was upfront and honest and we parted ways.

Was 2 dates enough to make up my mind about someone? Well, I definitely think so. I do think there has to be some sort of a spark or at least a bit of attraction. However, I do sometimes worry that I am looking for something that doesn’t actually exist; the perfect guy.
Do you think I am being to picky?  Would you date someone who you we not attracted to in hopes of forming an attraction? Is height an issue for you?

Commando Barbie