How to survive the online dating world

I grew up in the 90’s dating era, it was a time when you met a boy, he took your number and YES he called you. Usually, it ended up being a relationship. Imagine that meeting and investing time to get to know each other, how primitive.

Now I must contend with online dating, I have never been a fan but how does one find a life partner when you can’t go to events or social gatherings. I conceded defeat and joined Bumble, I like the concept that the woman has control, and that users can’t see when you are online.  I have been on the app for two months, had many conversations that go nowhere. I make 3 attempts to engage in conversation but it’s usually one-word answers with no real follow up.  

If you can breakthrough and have a conversation and it moves to talking outside the app (Second Base in the online dating world) it can go one of three ways.

1. After the first hey this Blah Blah Blah text he will ask for more pics, usually Tit Pics
2. You keep talking and set up at date. Then they will just disappear off the face of the earth until one day the Aliens send them back and they WILL reach out to you a week or two later with “Hey how’s it going?”
3. You make it to a date only to find out that the pics were from 10 years ago when he was 60lbs lighter and had hair. Post current pictures please that way if someone swipes right, they are interested in the person they see now not 10 years ago.  I know it’s hard to put yourself out there and as you get older you want to hang on to those glory days. But just do it because your person is out there, and they will eventually find you.  Yes, even after all this I am hopeful that my person will find me.

So how do you survive online dating?

1. Focus on yourself, start a self-care routine. I’ve bought a spin bike and have been working out daily. I am lucky enough to have medical plan that allows me to use it for alternative health practices. I have gone to the naturopath, got a couple of massages, next will be acupuncture. All things the strengthen my wellbeing. The better your feel about yourself the less you care when thing go nowhere online.
2. Delete your account! If you find that you are getting jaded or depressed by it all it’s time to delete your account. I do believe we attract what we are putting out. If we are expecting to meet mister Tit Pic we will meet him just to confirm our belief that they are all like that.
3. Maybe you have meet someone with strong potential and want thing to move along but you must deal with them and all their options or what they perceive are options. When the reality is the pool is not that big. You must come to terms that this may drag on and you may never meet, it’s up to you to decide how long you are willing to stick it out.  If you do this keep your options open as well.

Good luck out there, I know you can find what you are looking for just don’t lose yourself in the process. When that person comes along hopefully it will just flow and everything will easily fall into place. Be strong, take care of yourself and remember you are not alone. The struggle is real, but we need to believe that the universe has our back and will send that perfect person our way when the time is right.

What to do Daily for Self-Care

The Daily Self-Care Challenge

Ladies now more than ever it’s important to take care of you! During these stressful times we need to make time for ourselves, I know it’s hard to think about yourself with work, home schooling due to lockdowns, dealing with other people’s energies, all while trying to maintain your sanity. These self-care rituals will help you soothe your mind, body, and soul, reduce your stress, and hopefully remind you that you also need to be a priority.

Let’s make next week, the week of self-love, each day do the ritual listed. I want you to journal about each activity after you have completed it, write down how you were feeling before and how you feel after. At the end of the week due a self-check on your emotional wellbeing and share your journey with us.

Weekly list of self-care Rituals

Sunday – Take time to do something you really love to do. Maybe you love dancing, find a dance class on YouTube or if you live somewhere without lockdown restrictions take a class.

Monday – Meditate to clear your mind, strengthen your focus, and gain peace. As I stated in my previous post give headspace Guide to Meditation a try on Netflix.

Tuesday – Go outdoors to re-acquaint yourself with nature. Take a walk in the park, go for a hike, or drive to a body of water and just watch the waves. Listen to the sounds, feel the breeze, be present

Wednesday – Write out your feelings put all your stress down on paper. Stay in touch with your feelings and let go of anything weighing you down.

Thursday – Exercise to relieve your stress and rejuvenate both your mind and body. Exercise dose not need to be intense, go for a walk, do stretches, try yoga. Do something that gets you moving and out of your head.

Friday – Pamper yourself with a facial, pedicure/manicure. I love steaming my face, I find it very soothing and relaxing.

Saturday – Take a luxurious bath or shower set the mood with candles, soft music, essential oils for relaxation. If you’re taking a luxurious bath read a book, listen to a podcast or just lie there with your eyes closed and feel your tension slipping away.

At the end of the week make a list for other rituals that you can do to keep the self-love momentum going and please share with us.

Remember your status may be Single but you’re not alone.

Meditation = Well Being

I have been suffering from insomnia the last few months and decided I need to do something to stop my brain, I feel consumed with thoughts. I have also found myself getting caught up in the office drama. Their bad days were becoming my bad days just because I was allowing their negative energy in.

I had to find a way to block the negative energies and to not get let my thoughts be consumed with the office drama and the bad behaviors of others especially during these trying times.

How was I going to get through this without further distress on my mental health?

Meditation is a practice of training your mind to focus and enhancing your awareness. It’s not about turning off your thoughts, it learning to observe them without judgement.

The benefits of meditation:

• Gaining perspective on stressful situations
• Builds skill to manage stress
• Helps keeping focus on the present
• Reduces negative emotions
• Increase patience and tolerance

I found my answer but where do I start? Thankfully, Netflix was there to help me out. They have teamed up with Headspace and created a series of guided meditations. Just what this beginner needed. There are 8 guided mediations in the series and each one is about 20 minutes long. Andy from headspace talks you through it. His voice is very calming, and he will tell you that it’s ok if your mind wonders that’s normal.

I felt calmer after the first episode, I did one guided meditation nighty for 8 nights. I felt my anxiety subside, I was sleeping a little better (this is a work in progress) and I did not get caught up in the office drama. I now do guided meditations daily and I feel like I am more mindful of my surroundings it just kind of happens, I can deflect any negative thoughts a lot easier, and I have an overall sense of wellbeing. I am now a promoter of mediation and I understand why people who have been doing it for years seem so grounded and together.

The best thing is you don’t have to buy any fancy equipment all you need is a quiet space. If you are a beginner like me, I would recommend headspace Guide to Meditation on Netflix, also there are plenty of guided meditations on YouTube.

With a regular meditation practice your will discover the following:

• Mediation allows you to sort out your feelings. It offers an opportunity to reflect on your current situation and gain insights into your experiences.
• Your concentration will get stronger as will your self-knowledge and awareness.
• Create a new habit by ending each meditation session with a specific action that will help you achieve your goals

So, what are your waiting for…a regular meditation practice can help keep your mind sharp. Devote time to thinking, learning, and growing. You’ll enjoy the results!

Bissell Steam Mop – Review

This isn’t a sexy post but a real life Covid cleaning review. I have always been a bit clean freak and I love to clean – weird I know, but I find it therapeutic – this can be addressed in another post.

I’m always looking for new, environmental and efficient ways to appease my cleaning obsession and I think I’ve found it. I recently bought a Bissell steam mop for my hardwood floors and I want to let you know it’s a life changer. I don’t know why I never got on this train before but now that I have, I may never leave. 

I have 2 pups who are bougie and don’t shed and the condo gets dusty just because they have been working on a construction project not too far from me. I thought vacuuming and using my Bona was good – then I invested in this steam mop and I can’t say enough about it. The first time I used it I knew we were meant for each other. The dirt (yes dirt!) that it picked up was incredible. I also noticed that less dust and hair accumulated before my next full cleaning.

I got my steam mop on sale for around $135 CDN through the Bissell Canada website. It’s quiet, it’s compact (great for small places), it works and it’s environmental – just filtered water which becomes a heavy-duty steam.

If you want to clean with steam instead of chemicals this one’s for you. You will not be disappointed.

Yours,

What Foods Can You Can Eat Every Day That Suppress Your Appetite

Are you currently trying to lose unwanted weight? Are you struggling with cravings and mindless eating? Are you feeling hungry, but you have reached your calorie limit for the day?

Try adding the following foods in your diet:

1. Ginger. Ginger has a strong, pleasant flavor, and helps you avoid overeating. I know ginger is a hard sell, but it has so many health benefits it’s worth getting use to. Start with Ginger tea, it’s mild and may help with you lose weight.

 I had the worst chest infection back in 2015 (Covid-15 perhaps?) I went through a round of antibiotics and that did not help. I fought this thing for 3 months; I could barely breath and every day was a struggle. Then one night while out, a friend could hear my labored breathing, she told me to eat a piece of ginger with raw honey 3 times a day. I did just that, it was hard at first but by day 3 I could breathe, and I have been a big promoter of ginger ever since.

• Add a little grated Ginger to your smoothies and meals. Make ginger tea or buy Ginger Tea bags. You can even eat slices of crystallized ginger.
  
  
  • Ginger is loaded with antioxidants, has fiber, amino acids, and helps your body ward off germs. Ginger’s antibacterial power helps keeps your mouth healthy. It’s a natural nausea remedy. It also has anti-inflammatory properties that help sooth sore muscles, eases arthritis symptoms, lowers blood sugar, eases menstrual cramps, helps lower cholesterol, and helps you fight off chest infections. Basically, Ginger is the bomb!
    
    
• Avocado. The avocado fruit (Yes, it’s a fruit!) has many health benefits. It has more potassium than a Banana. Avocadoes are loaded with fiber which make you feel full. They have heart healthy monounsaturated fatty acids (the good fats), which has natural appetite suppressant properties.

• Although there are many calories and fat in avocados, they are a healthier option than junk food and sugary treats.
  
  
  • Have avocado toast for breakfast, not only is it healthy but you’ll be one of the cool kids. Apparently, it all the rage with the hipsters. You can also add it to salads and smoothies or use it as a base for sauces and dips.

• Cayenne pepper. Spice things up with cayenne pepper it will help suppress your appetite and aid in weight loss. One study found that using cayenne pepper can makes you eat fewer calories, so why not try it.
  
  
  • The chemicals in cayenne pepper help boost the metabolism, make you feel less hungry and help burn fat in the body.
    
    
  • Add Cayenne pepper to your meals as you cook. It can be sprinkled on salads and added to soups. However, be careful to not keep it near your cinnamon, you may grab the wrong spice and load your oatmeal up with Cayenne, I can tell you it’s a rude awakening.
    
    
• Apples. An apple a day keeps the doctor and unwanted pounds away.

The fiber and pectin in apples can make you feel full, so you’re less likely overeat.

• Apples are crunchy, juicy and sweet! They can feed the craving for sugar and the craving for something crunchy without sabotaging your weight loss goals.

• Apples take more time to chew than other foods. This gives your body the time to process what you’re eating and send signals to your brain that you’re full faster.
  
  
  • The multiple varieties of apples also keep things interesting, however my favourite are the Pink Ladies.

Simply put… they’re juicy, they’re crunchy, they’re Delicious!

Enjoy these natural appetite suppressants as you diet. Keep in mind that exercise and a generally healthy overall eating plan are also important for losing weight.

Tips on how to survive Valentine’s weekend when you are single

In case this pandemic has you locked down in a bunker without TV or internet. You are very aware that it’s Valentine’s Day this weekend. We are getting bombarded with ads telling you that if he loves you, he will give you diamonds. Or maybe you have friends that are celebrating Valentine week and getting special gifts daily until the big day. You see post of couples expressing their love and how happy they are to have found their soulmate.

I call bullshit on 80% of those posts and good for you on the 20% that have found their person. I have never been one to get caught up in the hype of Valentine’s Day, it’s not a stat holiday so I deem it useless. Give me that day off work and I will get excited about it.

Does Valentine’s Day get you down?

I know some of you are probably feeling that loneliness of this time of year and it is to be expect. We can’t socialize due to lockdowns and the guilt that if you break the rules you may unknowingly be spreading the virus because you are an a-symptomatic spreader. Then on top of the pandemic stress, you have all the damn ads and posts making you feel unlovable because you are single!

You are loveable and to celebrate all that makes you…You! Take this weekend to show yourself some love and make Valentine’s Day as celebration of your awesome lovable self!

Tips on how to can celebrate you:

1. Buy something pretty. Have you been eyeing a pretty pair of earrings, or longing to buy those sexy thigh high boots? I am sure there is something you want and are thinking I wish I had someone to buy those for me. Don’t wait for that someone, buy them for yourself. The best gifts are the ones we get ourselves because we get exactly what we want!
   
   
2. Drink till you feel pretty. If you can see your friends, rally the troops and have a girl’s night in. Play games, drink wine, and remind each other that you are all fabulous!
   
   
3. Indulge in you favourite meal. Make your favorite meal, or order from your favourite place. Maybe you have been avoiding carbs and are dying for a pizza, I say make Valentine’s day a guilt free day for indulgence.  
   
   
4. Pamper yourself. Take a long bubble bath with a good book and a glass of wine. Give yourself a manicure/ pedicure, put on makeup to go grocery shopping because when you feel good you ooze confidence.

• Do an act of kindness. Most times the best gifts are the ones we give to others. There is a lot of joy to be had when you know you have brighten someone else’s day. I have a lovely 85 year old neighbour that lost her husband last April so I am going to put a little gift bag together for her and leave at her door on Sunday morning. She is always giving me little treats it the least I can for her.

How will I be celebrating?

My wonderful government is allowing me a single person to mingle with another household during this second round of lockdown in Ontario. I mean it only took them 10 months to figure out that maybe it’s not the best idea to have people living alone be totally isolated.

I have been invited to my brother’s (the household I have been mingling with) for Valentine’s Dinner, I go every week to mooch a meal but this week it’s going to be Valentine’s Day, I was told the menu, but my sister-in-law lost me a homemade chocolate cheesecake!

I am also expecting to get a chocolate man, my sister-in-law has gotten me them in the past, so I’m excited about that. Seriously ladies nothing feels better after a bad day of working for a narcissistic male then coming home to bite the head off your chocolate man.

Whatever you do this weekend enjoy yourself, be kind to yourself and remember you are not alone!

Five things NOT to say to a Single Gal…

1)      Why are you single?  – This is usually followed-up up with a list of all our awesome qualities. I know the person saying this intends for it to be a compliment.  HOWEVER…

 The Single Gal interprets this as ‘OMG if I am so awesome WHY am I single? I must need to lose weight, stop fidgeting, be more serious etc.’ whatever we think our flaws are we will now start to obsess even more over them.

2)      You have a date? Why is HE single at 30-40 (etc.) something?  – If I can be an awesome single why can’t my potential date be just as awesome – a normal funny guy with a run of bad luck in the dating minefield.

 Saying this to a Single Gal will make her look for flaws therefore sabotaging the date before it has happened. Also this plagues our mind that people are saying the same thing about us to our potential date – Why is SHE single?

 3)      It will happen when you’re not looking for  IT – Contrary to popular belief we Single Gals are not always looking for IT (a.k.a The One, Happily Ever After, Soul Mate, Baby Daddy). After spending a certain amount of time in Singledom you give up on finding IT.

 Single Gals know this is just a polite way of saying ‘Sorry Girlfriend but you’re going to be single for a while so suck it up. I’m tired of hearing about you man less woes’

 4)      Maybe you should try online dating / Maybe you should try online dating again – When you say this to us you are confirming that we have officially been single way too long and you are starting to worry.

 If your Single pal has not tried online dating she is probably lying because we all hit that wall of desperation where online dating actually seems like a good idea. If she hasn’t told you it’s because she is embarrassed that after 3 months she did not get a date, or she is hiding her shame of desperation.

 If your Single Gal pal has tried online dating and it was a disaster… forget it she will never do it again.  Regardless of the friend whose cousin’s – sister-in-law’s – doctor’s – nanny’s daughter who met her husband online.

5)      We know this great guy you should meet – This is the most painful of all. When a Single Gal is told of a potential great guy, we go against our better judgement and actually get hopeful.  We are secretly hoping you will make it happen and that YES he is a great guy. Therefore when nothing comes of this, but the occasional oh we should really get you to meet so and so you are toying with our fragile emotional state. Even the most confident, secure, happy Single Gal will let the wall down a bit to indulge in the belief they are going to meet a great guy.

Even though your intentions are pure of heart you need to remember that we Single Gals are fragile somewhat desperate beings that have probably not been laid in a long while or had any male contact therefore putting us on the defensive.

Instead of trying to make us feel better about our Single status why not take your Single Gal pal out for drinks and be her wing woman.

How safe are your belongings?

I was out walking the dog one evening and we ran into another dog owner. I discovered that there are two types of dog owners; ones that like to chit-chat and those that almost choke their dogs to death trying to pull the dog past you so they do not have to make small talk. This girl (Chatty Cathy) was defiantly the chit-chat type (this type varies from the mild – they will talk about the weather and your pets to the extreme – they will tell you their health problems, building gossip or anything thing that happens to be on their mind) and that day what happened to be on Chatty Cathy’s mind was her recent pickpocketing incident.

Earlier in the week Chatty Cathy was on the subway and someone took her wallet right out of her oversized bag. However this five-fingered thief was caught on video because her wallet was a giant multi-colored eyesore that stood out on camera. They police arrest the culprit and gave Chatty Cathy praises for having such a hideous wallet.  She also went on to tell me that the Toronto transit system is rampant with pickpockets and that police have tried to catch them for a long while.

This got me to thinking; I never considered being pickpocketed in my backyard. I get on the crowded subways with my oversize gym bag and my wallet is in the front pocket, easy to take if I am not paying attention. Yet it was never a thought until I ran into Chatty Cathy.

When traveling, there are warnings everywhere telling you to protect your belongings.  In Italy our hotel manager told us to walk with our purse in front of us when in the crowded tourist areas …Shouldn’t that rule also apply in our hometowns. Pickpocketing is a crime of opportunity so why should we give anyone the opportunity to take our stuff.

Ladies we can learn from Chatty Cathy, she is a reminder that we should always secure our belongings. I don’t think we need to buy ugly wallets, just make sure they are inside your bag and zipped up.

What safety precautions do you take when out and about?

Do you need to break up with your food?

This blog post is probably not going to help my single status but I think this is something that needs to be shared. In the past couple of years I have developed food intolerances.

Food intolerance – Occur when the body is unable to deal with a certain type of foodstuff. This is usually because the body doesn’t produce enough of the particular chemical or enzyme that’s needed for digestion of that food.

My definition of a food intolerance would be uncontrollable passing of gas. Stomach bloating so bad that people will ask ‘So when are you due?’ thinking that you’re ready to give birth that second. Stomach cramps that have you doubled over in pain and praying that you will let rip the mother of all farts in hope of alleviating some of the pain. You smell like you’re a rotting on the inside. Granted anything coming out of your ass generally does not smell good but if you are having a reaction to your food it’s like rotten garbage sitting in the sun for weeks on end. Weight gain, some people are lucky and experience weigh loss but not this gal! You go from extreme bouts of constipation to 20 minutes bathroom sprints for a day maybe two. The bathroom sprints make you happy you are having a movement but by trip number 3 you begin to wonder just how full of shit you really are.

Two years back I was in my night school class studying Nutritional Symptomology when we started discussing the difference between food allergies and intolerances. As the teacher was going through the symptoms of an intolerance I realized he was talking about my issues. Finally it made sense, but the big question now was what am I intolerant to?

One way to find out if you have intolerances is to do an elimination diet. Eliminate the following foods Eggs, Dairy (includes cheese, yogurt, butter, chocolate), Soy, nuts, wheat and sweeteners; since they are the biggest culprits for food allergies and intolerances. Then slowly add them back into your diet and see if you have symptoms, remember you do not get an immediate reaction, you may feel symptoms the next day or even two days later.

Or you can visit a naturopath and get a get a blood test that specifically tests for food intolerances. Our doctors test for allergies not intolerances. This blood test can be costly but it’s a quick way to see what your issue are. This is the route that I went and I found out that I am intolerant to dairy, eggs, corn, kidney beans, almonds, and brewer’s yeast. I’m not gonna lie I shed a tear over this because this was going to change my life. Brewer’s yeast I love a cold beer on the patio in the summer sun with friends, DAIRY can anyone live without it!

When I eliminated these foods I felt great, got my will to live back (okay I’m just being dramatic) but I did feel like a new person. I even noticed that my skin looked better, I had more energy and my mood did not fluctuate. Hey when you are not walking around like a 9 month pregnant women waiting for the mother of all farts to be released; you are going to feel nothing but happy thoughts.

However I have relapsed, I am back to where I started and I feel awful. It’s hard when you’re single and a big part of your social life is having dinners and drinks with the girls every month, in the summer it’s about every two weeks. So YES I relapsed somewhere between the beers, poutine and nachos I hit rock bottom. I need to break up with my food once again. I know some of my friends find it hard to believe that beer and cheese  are my issues but it’s the sad cold truth. I also know it is hard to understand until you go through it. As much as I love those things I HAVE to give them up! It’s for my health and well-being.

On the plus side I will lose the extra weight I have gained, my skin will glow, I will not look preggo and no longer will I be spewing toxic fumes from my ass. It all good! I’ll miss my cheese and beer but I will get over it, they are not things I have every day and I can switch to wine right?

If any of this resonates with you I highly recommend you take the next step and get tested for food intolerances. Remember when you start feeling better still avoid those foods, because the symptoms will come back. Sadly when we are feeling good we forget what is was like when we weren’t feeling so great. Maybe take a picture of your bloated, pimply self and stick it on the fridge as a reminder and motivation.

Good Luck and remember you are not alone!

 

 

 

 

 

To Shellac Your Nails or Not to Shellac

Single girls if you don’t get mani’s and pedi’s please book an appointment now and treat yourself. Like your hair, your make-up, your grooming, your skin care routine, you need to take care of your nails. The big thing for nails is Shellac. What is Shellac you may ask? Well according to my brother in law it’s a car polish for your nails, instead of polish and dry, the process is polish and UV onto your nails.

My verdict on Shellac is that it is a must for your hands. If you have ever experienced the feeling of walking out of the nail bar and a minute later ruining your nails, then you will find Shellac a God send. The colour lasts for approx. 10 – 14 days and if you don’t mind nail re-growth (which I do) you could probably have it on for a lot longer. Another option to eliminate the re-growth bother is to get a French manicure, again not my thing but if it works for you this is another great option.

There is a downside to Shellac in that you can’t use regular polish to get it off and the removal process is a lot longer (approx. 10 minutes a hand). Most nail bars will remove the polish for you, but my inner Martha Stewart and laziness of going back to the nail bar has resulted in me removing my own polish. The removal process does take time and I won’t bore you with the details except to let you know that you will need to get 100% acetone polish remover. There are many “How to remove Shellac Polish” videos on Youtube so please refer to  one  of them for the step-by-step process.

I don’t feel the need to Shellac my toenails, as I don’t have any issues with the regular polish and dry system. As with any polish Shellac should only be done sporadically. Your nails need to breath and be free but for holidays and special occasions where nails need to last it’s a great option.

Have you Shellac-ed your nails?  How long did it last for you?  Would you recommend this, let us know your thoughts.