Could you date someone who you aren’t physically attracted to? For me, this question came along with a few dates I recently went on with a guy who is substantially shorter than me. Believe me, I am not a tall gal. I am all of 5’-5” but due to my love of heals, I typically linger in the 5’-8” range. My suitor was only about 5’…..
We met at my yoga studio where we would occasionally sit and chat after class. I thought he seemed short, but we never ended up actually standing side by side (despite my attempts here and there to stand up early)! One day he asked for my number, which then proceeded with him asking me to meet him for drinks one evening. When he walked into the pub for our date, I have to admit that my heart sank as I saw how the top of his head only came up to my chin……However, the date itself went really well! He was confident, funny, intelligent and while we were sitting, I was able to forget about our height discrepancy. That is, until we stood up and walked around for a bit afterwards and I felt like I towered above him. I immediately became very uncomfortable again with our height difference. (How many of you saw that episode of Sex in the City where Samantha meets the short guy at the bar?)
I come from a family of tall men (strike that; very tall men!) where they are all well above 6’ (tallest brother is 6’-7” down to 6-2”!) and have never dated anyone shorter than 6’. I am used to being the shortest and that is where I am comfortable. But, although this scenario was out of my comfort zone, he seemed like a really nice guy so I decided to give it another go! Plus, I couldn’t help but ask myself if was I discounting this guy too quickly based on the physical package alone. Could I get over this? My own mother indicated that this may be why I’m still single (easy for her to say since she married a tall man that she thought was handsome!).
For our second date, he surprised me with a picnic dinner! It was incredibly thoughtful and it showed that he had clearly put some work into this date! It was definitely a romantic setting. Only it didn’t exactly feel romantic to me. I became painfully aware from the moment I got into his car that I was not attracted to him or interested in any type of physical relationship whatsoever. This despite his efforts to kiss me, massage me and feed me the entire time. I spent the evening trying to avoid physical contact, which was not exactly an easy task with this guy! Confidence is definitely attractive, but I was a bit surprised that he was not picking up on my continuous pulling away.
I know it is a European trait for a man to want to feed a woman, but I was quite uncomfortable with it and I do have to admit that I like my space and don’t always like to be constantly touched. I felt a little like I was the cat in the “Pepe Le Pew” cartoon.
Perhaps it is the way we women think, but I did not want to end a date that he had put so much thought and effort into by telling him that I did not see our relationship progressing into anything. So instead I gave him a short kiss and thanked him for a lovely evening.
I ended up phoning him a few nights later (after receiving a few text messages from him that again showed me we were not on the same page) to let him know that although I had a wonderful time with him that I did not see any type of romantic relationship developing with us and that I did not have feelings for him in that way. He said that he respected the fact that I was upfront and honest and we parted ways.
Was 2 dates enough to make up my mind about someone? Well, I definitely think so. I do think there has to be some sort of a spark or at least a bit of attraction. However, I do sometimes worry that I am looking for something that doesn’t actually exist; the perfect guy.
Do you think I am being to picky? Would you date someone who you we not attracted to in hopes of forming an attraction? Is height an issue for you?