Rule #98 …Stalker jokes never a good idea

Several years ago I was having drinks at a pub with a girlfriend and friends of friends, whom I’d never met. This included a small group of fellas. We were all standing around, chatting and laughing. One guy that I thought was cute was telling a story (I completely forget about what) and mentioned it had taken place in his condo. Thinking I was super witty (and perhaps it went along with his story?) I said something along the lines of “funny I didn’t see that when I was watching with my binoculars”. Insert laugh here. No, he didn’t laugh- he actually looked at me like I might be crazy and was a bit taken back. Embarrassing! Clearly I had no idea where this guy lived or even his last name, but that ensured that I would never have an opportunity to find out! – Commado Barbie



WARNING: Telling guys that you have spied on them may seem funny to us, but men have such big ego’s they believe such lines and therefore deem you as crazy stalker girl.

Rule #99… Don’t reveal to much to soon

This refers to what you share about yourself on a first date. Remember even if you think it is going well and you feel comfortable you still need to keep some things about yourself to yourself; until this person gets to know you better.

Date:  “I’ve recently gotten into reading biographies; I tend to go through different phases as to what I like to read”

Me: “Same here. I once went through a Serial Killer phase; I think I read every book out there at the time”

Date: “That’s a interesting phase, I can’t say I have ever gone through that one” (Date shifts in his seat and  is now looking at me a little differently)

Me: (Realizes that he probably thinks I have a room covered in plastic sheets. Maybe I should reassure him that I don’t have a room covered in plastic because my cat will eat the plastic sheets)

WARNING:  What seems perfectly normal to you may be a little off putting to others. However had he taken the time to ask why I had such a phase I would have told him that I was fascinated with the mind. I wanted to know what made some people evil and others not. I still love to know what makes people tick, why they do what they do including myself.

Rule #100 …Do not tell hot dudes to smell your arm pit

Hot Trainer at the gym: ” Are you sure you just did the spin class ?” (referring to may oh so fresh appearance)

Me: “Yes” (than I lift up my arm and say) “Stick your head under here”

Gym receptionist cracks up

Me: (Realizes I just told a hot dude to stick his head into my sweaty arm pit)

WARNING: Sweaty pits are not attractive nor seductive 

 

Rule # 101 … Do not shove cute dudes into walls

Cute guy in the elevator: “So what do you think they are working on in that area?(referring to the strange underground project in our building)

Me: (shoves him into the elevator wall ala Elaine Benes style and exclaims) ” I know! I been wondering about that”

Cute guy: “yeah it’s strange” (then he moves as far away from me as he can)

Me: (realizes I shoved a cute guy into a wall )

WARNING: Ladies this is the equivalent to poking him in the eye and giggling