How to survive the online dating world

I grew up in the 90’s dating era, it was a time when you met a boy, he took your number and YES he called you. Usually, it ended up being a relationship. Imagine that meeting and investing time to get to know each other, how primitive.

Now I must contend with online dating, I have never been a fan but how does one find a life partner when you can’t go to events or social gatherings. I conceded defeat and joined Bumble, I like the concept that the woman has control, and that users can’t see when you are online.  I have been on the app for two months, had many conversations that go nowhere. I make 3 attempts to engage in conversation but it’s usually one-word answers with no real follow up.  

If you can breakthrough and have a conversation and it moves to talking outside the app (Second Base in the online dating world) it can go one of three ways.

1. After the first hey this Blah Blah Blah text he will ask for more pics, usually Tit Pics
2. You keep talking and set up at date. Then they will just disappear off the face of the earth until one day the Aliens send them back and they WILL reach out to you a week or two later with “Hey how’s it going?”
3. You make it to a date only to find out that the pics were from 10 years ago when he was 60lbs lighter and had hair. Post current pictures please that way if someone swipes right, they are interested in the person they see now not 10 years ago.  I know it’s hard to put yourself out there and as you get older you want to hang on to those glory days. But just do it because your person is out there, and they will eventually find you.  Yes, even after all this I am hopeful that my person will find me.

So how do you survive online dating?

1. Focus on yourself, start a self-care routine. I’ve bought a spin bike and have been working out daily. I am lucky enough to have medical plan that allows me to use it for alternative health practices. I have gone to the naturopath, got a couple of massages, next will be acupuncture. All things the strengthen my wellbeing. The better your feel about yourself the less you care when thing go nowhere online.
2. Delete your account! If you find that you are getting jaded or depressed by it all it’s time to delete your account. I do believe we attract what we are putting out. If we are expecting to meet mister Tit Pic we will meet him just to confirm our belief that they are all like that.
3. Maybe you have meet someone with strong potential and want thing to move along but you must deal with them and all their options or what they perceive are options. When the reality is the pool is not that big. You must come to terms that this may drag on and you may never meet, it’s up to you to decide how long you are willing to stick it out.  If you do this keep your options open as well.

Good luck out there, I know you can find what you are looking for just don’t lose yourself in the process. When that person comes along hopefully it will just flow and everything will easily fall into place. Be strong, take care of yourself and remember you are not alone. The struggle is real, but we need to believe that the universe has our back and will send that perfect person our way when the time is right.

Are you addicted to your phone?

In this wonderful new aged world that we live in we can do practically anything on our smart phones. We can pay our bills, make appointments, play games, take pictures, and connect to our social media outlets. But when is it enough? It seems everyone is more concerned with what is happening in the cyber world then with the real world. Has this become the new addiction?

There’s a commercial on the radio with a guy talking about how awesome his new smart phone is; even though it got him into trouble because he’d rather play with IT than his girlfriend (not so much those words but that’s the point they are trying to make). How does he solve his problem he buys her a dress using his awesome new phone and all is well ( because as you know we gals are easily placated when you buy us stuff). At the end of the commercial he says “What gets you into trouble will also get you out of trouble.” WTF? Or is it just me?

Am I wrong to think that you probably have an addiction if you believe it is more important to make comment on Facebook than to be present with the people in your company?

How can you tell if you are addicted?

1. Do you go into panic mode the moment you realize you left your phone at home

       2.  Are checking it every 20 minutes (or less) even if you do not get a text or e-mail notification?

       3.  When out with friends, family, a date do you keep checking Facebook on your phone becoming oblivious of the person / people around you?

       4.  Do you spend more time having text conversations than you do interacting with people face to face?

       5.  Have you hurt a loved one’s feeling because you were so absorbed with the cyber world that you did not hear a word they said?

       6. Can you sit through a TV show without checking your phone during commercials?

If you have answered YES to 2 or more of the above then face it, you have an addition.

Basically if you think that you are spending too much time in the cyber world its simple … YOU ARE!

Remember everything is ok in moderation, but when it starts interfering with your ability to live in the moment, it’s time to cut back. Beside don’t you think it would be more enjoyable to actually laugh out loud; rather than write LOL?

Just a drop..or maybe three

A few months back my co-worker came into my office to inform me that she had a bathroom emergency but that I should not worry because she had ‘Just a Drop’ with her. I was intrigued; what is this ‘Just a Drop’ that you speak of?

‘Just a Drop’ is a bathroom odor eliminator that effectively traps and eliminates 98% of odors BEFORE they escape into the air.  Yup you can now say for reals that your shit don’t stink!

I had to get me some and YES it does work! You may need a couple of drops depending on how long you have been fermenting or what you ate the night before but it will work. This product has been a god send! Now that I am in a new relationship I’d rather not scare him away with any possible foulness that I may be eliminating, and ‘Just a Drop’ is the answer. Yes girls can be fowl!

Also ladies this is a good product to have in your bathroom in case you have a potential boy toy with irritable bowel syndrome. You will save him the embarrassment from stinking up your place and save you from not having to smell his foulness. Win, Win!

Irish Spring the secret aphrodisiac…

Ladies recently my lover, boy toy, future baby daddy, and I have been slowly merging our two separate families into one happy love den.  The other day he brought over his toiletries and when he left for work yesterday he smelt SO good.

He has been using my shampoo’s and body washes for the last few weeks; so when he came into the room to kiss me goodbye smelling all manly fresh (rather than girlie fresh) I was overcome with desire, primal lusting …you get the idea. After he left, I ran into the bathroom to see what he could have used to leave him smelling so yummy. Then I saw it, the green bar of sexy smelling goodness… Irish Spring!

Not only will your man smell irresistible when he first gets out of the shower but the smell lasts all day. After a long day of thinking about his new man scent, then coming home to it…well let’s just say he is probably writing his thank you letter to the makers of Irish Spring and running out to Costco to buy a case of it right now!

Actually it’s me that is going to buy him all the different Irish Spring scents; it could be a new adventure with every scent. Thanks Irish Spring!!!!

Gals go out tonight and buy your man a bar of Irish Spring, you will be 100% satisfied. Please remember there is no need to thank me, I have your back!

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?

As you all know I have recently become a plus one. I have been single for 6 years and have had a couple very short-term relationships, but never have I felt such an instant connection with someone; until now.  It has been a long while since I have been in a committed relationship so I’ve forgotten all the firsts:

1)      The first time meeting friends

2)      The first time meeting each other’s families

3)      The first time he spends the night

And so on…

This past weekend I meet his family for the first time. Even though I briefly met his mother a few weeks back it was just a hello, so on Sunday I met his mother, step-dad, sister and brother in-law for his mom’s birthday dinner. I was nervous because you want your partner’s family to like and accept you, and you know they are watching your every move, comment … etc.

I am a 5’ 9” blonde, blue-eyed, Irish / Métis Indian / French Canadian mix and he is 100% Korean. We’ve have know each other for almost two years, which makes this relationship is easy, and peaceful.  So YES I was worried his mom may not approve of me. I worried that she may want her son to be with a beautiful Korean girl so they could make beautiful Korean babies; or that she may be one of those mom’s that thinks NO girl is good enough for her baby boy.

Well I was wrong on all counts! Apparently I had her at ‘Hello’… That first encounter when I just said ‘Hi’ she gave ‘My Lover’ (okay his name is Steve but I’m going to call him my lover, just cause I can) a high-five and asked how he managed to get me.  When his mom and step-dad arrived at the restaurant on Sunday, she sat beside me and within minutes told me that if ‘My Lover’ does anything I do not like to tell her and she will set him straight. She also said that no matter what she will always take my side and told her son not to mess things up. Win! Win!

Never have I met a boyfriend’s mother that told her son to not mess things up. In past the mother’s in my partner’s lives have liked and grown to love me but they were always telling me what to do for their baby boys to make sure they are treated the way they treat them. Um if I wanted a baby boy I’d get pregnant, not date one! It’s so refreshing to finally meet a mom that does not think I have to cater to her son; rather he has to cater to me! To me this is just another sign that it was meant to be.

I loved his family they are lovely people, and by the end of the night his mom invited us to dinner next week, hugged and told me she loves me.

Next it will be ‘My Lover’s’ turn to be on the proverbial chopping block, when we spend the day with my brother’s family.  He will have to wait to meet my folks since they live in another province but I know they will be as accepting of him as his family was of me.

If you’re in a new relationship going through your “Firsts” I wish you luck, try not to over think it and just be you.

Cheers!

3 more items completed in my 101 Things in 1001 Days List

I am slowly knocking things off my list and now that I have crossed item #67 – Get a Boyfriend  ( and  I did not half to roofie him!) off the list that maybe with his help I will tackle more items and complete my mission of accomplishing all the tasks in 1001 days.

I think I am going to make some changes to the list because there are a couple of task that I know will not get completed and I’d like to add items that I have talked about doing with my ‘Lover’ (don’t you just love that word) to the list. I don’t think there are any rules about changing the list… is there? Whatever I like to break rules!

Okay so now you know I have got me a boyfriend (a real living man), and being the great guy that he is; once he saw my list he set out to help me knock off item #39 – Have Dinner by Candlelight.

Dinner by Candlelight

Next item to go is item #72 – Buy and wear a bikini.

The Bikini

Two weeks ago I went on vacation to El Salvador with Queen B, it was much-needed recharge vacation. Since I was going with a good friend and being in temperatures of 33 degrees I figured now is the time to buy a bikini. This may not be a big deal to most people but for me I rather go to the dentist and get a root canal.

I realized the older I get the more I worry about all my bits hanging out and other stupidity, like thoughts that people will run screaming upon seeing me half-naked.  So with my new-found confidence from being with someone who thinks I am awesome (true fact). I threw caution to the wind and sported a two piece and what do you know NO ONE ran away screaming that they are now blind. Actually the only issue to arise was that my bikini top expanded when it got wet and my boobs were bouncing around inside it like two buoy’s.

Next I will tackle reading Catcher in the Rye, maybe make poutine this weekend and watch Clockwork Orange.

Do you have a 101 Things List? If so where are you at in your list? Is it easier or harder than you thought it would be?

Cheer!

Sometimes it takes 25 dates…

Over the holidays while I was visiting my family in New Brunswick I was reflecting on 2012 and what I wanted to do differently in 2013. I felt like I had done a lot of work on myself last year and I made a choice that this year I really wanted to put myself out there and open myself up to the possibility of dating. No more hiding or making excuses! So, how to do that?

If you’re like me then you aren’t sold on the idea of internet dating. It’s not that I don’t think it works- I do have friends that met their husbands online. But I also know lots of fabulous women who met a lot of duds and ended up giving up on it. Frankly I don’t have a lot of patience to sift through profiles and email with a stranger until a meeting is set up only to find out that their photo was 15 years old and they exaggerated everything about themselves. So, I decided to take a different approach and over Christmas break, I pre-registered for a Speed Dating Event!

I was drawn to this type of event as I love the idea of meeting someone face-to-face right away! I also thought it sounded like it would be a lot of fun regardless. So on Jan 30th, I attended my first ever Speed Dating Event. For this particular event, you showed up at 7 pm to sign in and get your name tag that also had a number on it. Then as the woman, you got to pick your table for 2. Most importantly, I then headed to the bar to get a large glass of wine! You are given a sheet of paper when you sign in that has on the left hand side a column of numbers and columns to check either a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ by each number. The right hand side of the sheet was for taking notes so you could remember who was who.

The dates started promptly at 7:30 pm where a guy sits down at your table and for 3 minutes, you ask each other questions and chat. I was lucky as the very first guy that sat down at my table had some very thoughtful questions and although I did not see us as being a potential match, he relaxed me and I started the night out thoroughly enjoying myself. Every 3 minutes, the bell would ring and your date would be over and the next guy would move into the seat across from you. You didn’t want to check a box in front of them so I was trying to rely on notes I was taking. I was also scrambling to get notes down as I didn’t want to sit there writing while talking to each guy.

There was an eclectic group of people at this event but overall, I have to say that everyone was really friendly and genuinely nice. Of course, there were a few cocky fellas in the bunch that didn’t really ask me any questions but talked about themselves the entire time….On the other side of the scale there was also a few awkward but sweet guys (one in particular that wanted to get a cat that I almost wanted to coach and tell him to pretend to be into sports). At one point I looked down the row of tables to see the ladies that had attended. I have to say that judging based on appearances, most of them were attractive ladies and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. There really wasn’t a sense of competition going on either- there really was an overall sense of fun and a bit of nervousness. I ended up going out with a few of the ladies I met there for a drink afterwards to unwind and chat about the night.

I ended up getting three matches from the event, which means that I checked ‘yes’ for them and they checked ‘yes’ for me. When you get a match, you get sent your matches’ email address and then it is up to you or him to follow up. Thus far, I went out on a date with one of my matches and I have two more dates lined up with the other two. However, the first date went so well that I would like to see him again! I sort of feel like I’m the bachelorette and I am weeding through my brood.

I have to say even if I didn’t have any matches, I had such a fun experience Speed Dating that I would definitely do it again. I would highly recommend it if you’re like me and like the thought of meeting people face-to-face in a safe and fun atmosphere. I would also recommend that you don’t do the event with a girlfriend. A lot of the women came in pairs and one guy told me that that was very off putting. He said that it is already difficult to come up with unique questions in such a short time and the added pressure that the friends are going to ask each other what they were asked afterwards was stressful. For me, I did it alone as I didn’t want to end up picking the same guy as one of my gal pals- what if we both ended up with the same match!

If my dates don’t end up leading to anything then I will sign up for Speed Dating again. Maybe I’ll see you there!

Commando Barbie

Vacations, dates, condo living, weddings and boyfriends!

Hey peeps I guess you may have wondered what happen to Single Gals or maybe not that’s cool too.

Well it’s been a busy start to the new year for the Single Gals team. Commando Barbie has gone on  25 first dates and her blog post on the experience will  be posted shortly.

Queen B is getting ready for her move into her new condo and going on vacations.

Glamour girl is getting married this year. So she been busy with planning the big day.

As for me I been busy trying to figure out how to juggle working full-time and doing my two part-time social media jobs now that I have a boyfriend. Yes you have read that right! I now have a boyfriend!

I’m working on the story for you gals but in short sometimes great things are staring us right in the face ….we just have to open our eyes.

The beauty of this budding romance is that he accepts me just as I am and its a wonderful thing.  I knew one day it would happen, I always say be true to who you are because it’s the right person that notices.

Recently I was on vacation in El Salvador with Queen B; we spent a week lying in the sun and watching Latin American pop videos. We have to say some of those Latin American singers are tres yummy and I’ll be posting them over the next few weeks as yummo’s  or as we said on vacation “I’d tap that!”

Yup I manage to find someone who accepts me as I am… I know, right !

Cheers!

 

Iyanla Fix My ‘Love’ Life…

Monday evening I turn on the TV and it happens to be on the OWN network. I see that Iylanla Fix My Life is coming on next. I was about to change the channel when the show starts and Iyanla asked “what’s making you single?” Then she goes on to say that she will be dealing with common mistakes that women make causing them to remain single. Needless to say I sat my ass back down and did not move from the TV for the next hour.

First she starts off with ‘It’s not HIM! Stop blaming HIM!’ Very powerful words, at first you may read this and get your knickers all bunched up but after you’ve gotten over your righteous indignation really think about these words. The ‘HIM’ in your life may very well be a narcissistic ass that puts you down all the time, a  commitment phobe , lazy  or whatever else you have labeled the men that have let you down. When she says stop blaming him she is saying look deep within yourself and ask WHY did you pick him in the first place? Did you pick the man who constantly puts you down because you believe that you are not good enough so you picked someone who is willing to verbalize your belief?

Do you believe that all the good ones are taken? That all men just want one thing and do not want to commit? Or that you don’t need a man because you can take care of yourself? Whatever it is that you’re verbalizing for you lack of love is exactly what you will find. Our limiting beliefs and fears will show up in our world. Buddha said it best “All that we are is the result of what we have thought”

Iyanla asked the audience to truthfully answer the following questions:

1)      What’s getting in the way of finding the one you love? What gets in my ways is_______________

2)      What is it that you don’t want a man to know about you? I don’t want him to know __________________

In order to fix your single life you need to fix your belief system. So ladies grab a notepad and write down all of your limiting beliefs and fears, read them, think about them and then write a new postive affirming belief beside it. Say these new beliefs out loud and start believing them.

Iyanla gave everyone homework, she said to go out there and say Hi to every man you pass (every man without a women hanging off his arm that is). Just say Hi without expecting anything from it. So gals get out there and a flash your pearly whites, and see what happens.

I beleive you will find the love that you truly desire, do you?

Five things NOT to say to a Single Gal…

1)      Why are you single?  – This is usually followed-up up with a list of all our awesome qualities. I know the person saying this intends for it to be a compliment.  HOWEVER…

 The Single Gal interprets this as ‘OMG if I am so awesome WHY am I single? I must need to lose weight, stop fidgeting, be more serious etc.’ whatever we think our flaws are we will now start to obsess even more over them.

2)      You have a date? Why is HE single at 30-40 (etc.) something?  – If I can be an awesome single why can’t my potential date be just as awesome – a normal funny guy with a run of bad luck in the dating minefield.

 Saying this to a Single Gal will make her look for flaws therefore sabotaging the date before it has happened. Also this plagues our mind that people are saying the same thing about us to our potential date – Why is SHE single?

 3)      It will happen when you’re not looking for  IT – Contrary to popular belief we Single Gals are not always looking for IT (a.k.a The One, Happily Ever After, Soul Mate, Baby Daddy). After spending a certain amount of time in Singledom you give up on finding IT.

 Single Gals know this is just a polite way of saying ‘Sorry Girlfriend but you’re going to be single for a while so suck it up. I’m tired of hearing about you man less woes’

 4)      Maybe you should try online dating / Maybe you should try online dating again – When you say this to us you are confirming that we have officially been single way too long and you are starting to worry.

 If your Single pal has not tried online dating she is probably lying because we all hit that wall of desperation where online dating actually seems like a good idea. If she hasn’t told you it’s because she is embarrassed that after 3 months she did not get a date, or she is hiding her shame of desperation.

 If your Single Gal pal has tried online dating and it was a disaster… forget it she will never do it again.  Regardless of the friend whose cousin’s – sister-in-law’s – doctor’s – nanny’s daughter who met her husband online.

5)      We know this great guy you should meet – This is the most painful of all. When a Single Gal is told of a potential great guy, we go against our better judgement and actually get hopeful.  We are secretly hoping you will make it happen and that YES he is a great guy. Therefore when nothing comes of this, but the occasional oh we should really get you to meet so and so you are toying with our fragile emotional state. Even the most confident, secure, happy Single Gal will let the wall down a bit to indulge in the belief they are going to meet a great guy.

Even though your intentions are pure of heart you need to remember that we Single Gals are fragile somewhat desperate beings that have probably not been laid in a long while or had any male contact therefore putting us on the defensive.

Instead of trying to make us feel better about our Single status why not take your Single Gal pal out for drinks and be her wing woman.