How to survive the online dating world

I grew up in the 90’s dating era, it was a time when you met a boy, he took your number and YES he called you. Usually, it ended up being a relationship. Imagine that meeting and investing time to get to know each other, how primitive.

Now I must contend with online dating, I have never been a fan but how does one find a life partner when you can’t go to events or social gatherings. I conceded defeat and joined Bumble, I like the concept that the woman has control, and that users can’t see when you are online.  I have been on the app for two months, had many conversations that go nowhere. I make 3 attempts to engage in conversation but it’s usually one-word answers with no real follow up.  

If you can breakthrough and have a conversation and it moves to talking outside the app (Second Base in the online dating world) it can go one of three ways.

1. After the first hey this Blah Blah Blah text he will ask for more pics, usually Tit Pics
2. You keep talking and set up at date. Then they will just disappear off the face of the earth until one day the Aliens send them back and they WILL reach out to you a week or two later with “Hey how’s it going?”
3. You make it to a date only to find out that the pics were from 10 years ago when he was 60lbs lighter and had hair. Post current pictures please that way if someone swipes right, they are interested in the person they see now not 10 years ago.  I know it’s hard to put yourself out there and as you get older you want to hang on to those glory days. But just do it because your person is out there, and they will eventually find you.  Yes, even after all this I am hopeful that my person will find me.

So how do you survive online dating?

1. Focus on yourself, start a self-care routine. I’ve bought a spin bike and have been working out daily. I am lucky enough to have medical plan that allows me to use it for alternative health practices. I have gone to the naturopath, got a couple of massages, next will be acupuncture. All things the strengthen my wellbeing. The better your feel about yourself the less you care when thing go nowhere online.
2. Delete your account! If you find that you are getting jaded or depressed by it all it’s time to delete your account. I do believe we attract what we are putting out. If we are expecting to meet mister Tit Pic we will meet him just to confirm our belief that they are all like that.
3. Maybe you have meet someone with strong potential and want thing to move along but you must deal with them and all their options or what they perceive are options. When the reality is the pool is not that big. You must come to terms that this may drag on and you may never meet, it’s up to you to decide how long you are willing to stick it out.  If you do this keep your options open as well.

Good luck out there, I know you can find what you are looking for just don’t lose yourself in the process. When that person comes along hopefully it will just flow and everything will easily fall into place. Be strong, take care of yourself and remember you are not alone. The struggle is real, but we need to believe that the universe has our back and will send that perfect person our way when the time is right.

How to Stop Self-Criticism in 6 steps

As women we tend to be very critical of ourselves. It’s easy for us to sincerely praise and validate others but when it comes to valuing ourselves, we tend to be very critical and unforgiving. We need to quiet our critical inner voice as this will be one of the best self-love things we’ll ever do.

How to Stop Self-Criticizing

I have listed six steps to help quiet your inner critic. Go through the steps and you’ll discover a more peaceful and happy existence.

Follow these steps:

Step 1 – Acknowledge that self-criticism can be damaging. It destroys your self-esteem, confidence and prevents you from going after your dreams. Not to mention wreak havoc on your mental wellbeing.

Step 2 – Write down your criticisms and go through them one by one and ask yourself, “Is this really valid?” chances are it’s NOT, now cross it off your list.

Step 3 – Look at each criticism that you wrote down and figure out when that narrative began. Take time to resolve why you feel that way and forgive yourself.

Step 4 – Now it’s time to release the negative remarks from your repertoire because they simply hold no validity for you now. Create a list of positive remarks that way when a self-criticism pops in your head you have a positive to quickly replace that thought.

Step 5 – Replace your critical voice with the kind, supportive, caring voice you use with loved ones.

Step 6 – Stay focused, keep working at achieving your desires. You can challenge the validity of any criticism simply by continuing with your efforts.

Your got this, you are worthy of all that you desire. If you fall back into old habits of self-criticism just redo that steps. Now go and be the most confident, successful being that you were meant to be.

Remember your status may be Single but you’re not alone!

What to do Daily for Self-Care

The Daily Self-Care Challenge

Ladies now more than ever it’s important to take care of you! During these stressful times we need to make time for ourselves, I know it’s hard to think about yourself with work, home schooling due to lockdowns, dealing with other people’s energies, all while trying to maintain your sanity. These self-care rituals will help you soothe your mind, body, and soul, reduce your stress, and hopefully remind you that you also need to be a priority.

Let’s make next week, the week of self-love, each day do the ritual listed. I want you to journal about each activity after you have completed it, write down how you were feeling before and how you feel after. At the end of the week due a self-check on your emotional wellbeing and share your journey with us.

Weekly list of self-care Rituals

Sunday – Take time to do something you really love to do. Maybe you love dancing, find a dance class on YouTube or if you live somewhere without lockdown restrictions take a class.

Monday – Meditate to clear your mind, strengthen your focus, and gain peace. As I stated in my previous post give headspace Guide to Meditation a try on Netflix.

Tuesday – Go outdoors to re-acquaint yourself with nature. Take a walk in the park, go for a hike, or drive to a body of water and just watch the waves. Listen to the sounds, feel the breeze, be present

Wednesday – Write out your feelings put all your stress down on paper. Stay in touch with your feelings and let go of anything weighing you down.

Thursday – Exercise to relieve your stress and rejuvenate both your mind and body. Exercise dose not need to be intense, go for a walk, do stretches, try yoga. Do something that gets you moving and out of your head.

Friday – Pamper yourself with a facial, pedicure/manicure. I love steaming my face, I find it very soothing and relaxing.

Saturday – Take a luxurious bath or shower set the mood with candles, soft music, essential oils for relaxation. If you’re taking a luxurious bath read a book, listen to a podcast or just lie there with your eyes closed and feel your tension slipping away.

At the end of the week make a list for other rituals that you can do to keep the self-love momentum going and please share with us.

Remember your status may be Single but you’re not alone.

Meditation = Well Being

I have been suffering from insomnia the last few months and decided I need to do something to stop my brain, I feel consumed with thoughts. I have also found myself getting caught up in the office drama. Their bad days were becoming my bad days just because I was allowing their negative energy in.

I had to find a way to block the negative energies and to not get let my thoughts be consumed with the office drama and the bad behaviors of others especially during these trying times.

How was I going to get through this without further distress on my mental health?

Meditation is a practice of training your mind to focus and enhancing your awareness. It’s not about turning off your thoughts, it learning to observe them without judgement.

The benefits of meditation:

• Gaining perspective on stressful situations
• Builds skill to manage stress
• Helps keeping focus on the present
• Reduces negative emotions
• Increase patience and tolerance

I found my answer but where do I start? Thankfully, Netflix was there to help me out. They have teamed up with Headspace and created a series of guided meditations. Just what this beginner needed. There are 8 guided mediations in the series and each one is about 20 minutes long. Andy from headspace talks you through it. His voice is very calming, and he will tell you that it’s ok if your mind wonders that’s normal.

I felt calmer after the first episode, I did one guided meditation nighty for 8 nights. I felt my anxiety subside, I was sleeping a little better (this is a work in progress) and I did not get caught up in the office drama. I now do guided meditations daily and I feel like I am more mindful of my surroundings it just kind of happens, I can deflect any negative thoughts a lot easier, and I have an overall sense of wellbeing. I am now a promoter of mediation and I understand why people who have been doing it for years seem so grounded and together.

The best thing is you don’t have to buy any fancy equipment all you need is a quiet space. If you are a beginner like me, I would recommend headspace Guide to Meditation on Netflix, also there are plenty of guided meditations on YouTube.

With a regular meditation practice your will discover the following:

• Mediation allows you to sort out your feelings. It offers an opportunity to reflect on your current situation and gain insights into your experiences.
• Your concentration will get stronger as will your self-knowledge and awareness.
• Create a new habit by ending each meditation session with a specific action that will help you achieve your goals

So, what are your waiting for…a regular meditation practice can help keep your mind sharp. Devote time to thinking, learning, and growing. You’ll enjoy the results!

What Foods Can You Can Eat Every Day That Suppress Your Appetite

Are you currently trying to lose unwanted weight? Are you struggling with cravings and mindless eating? Are you feeling hungry, but you have reached your calorie limit for the day?

Try adding the following foods in your diet:

1. Ginger. Ginger has a strong, pleasant flavor, and helps you avoid overeating. I know ginger is a hard sell, but it has so many health benefits it’s worth getting use to. Start with Ginger tea, it’s mild and may help with you lose weight.

 I had the worst chest infection back in 2015 (Covid-15 perhaps?) I went through a round of antibiotics and that did not help. I fought this thing for 3 months; I could barely breath and every day was a struggle. Then one night while out, a friend could hear my labored breathing, she told me to eat a piece of ginger with raw honey 3 times a day. I did just that, it was hard at first but by day 3 I could breathe, and I have been a big promoter of ginger ever since.

• Add a little grated Ginger to your smoothies and meals. Make ginger tea or buy Ginger Tea bags. You can even eat slices of crystallized ginger.
  
  
  • Ginger is loaded with antioxidants, has fiber, amino acids, and helps your body ward off germs. Ginger’s antibacterial power helps keeps your mouth healthy. It’s a natural nausea remedy. It also has anti-inflammatory properties that help sooth sore muscles, eases arthritis symptoms, lowers blood sugar, eases menstrual cramps, helps lower cholesterol, and helps you fight off chest infections. Basically, Ginger is the bomb!
    
    
• Avocado. The avocado fruit (Yes, it’s a fruit!) has many health benefits. It has more potassium than a Banana. Avocadoes are loaded with fiber which make you feel full. They have heart healthy monounsaturated fatty acids (the good fats), which has natural appetite suppressant properties.

• Although there are many calories and fat in avocados, they are a healthier option than junk food and sugary treats.
  
  
  • Have avocado toast for breakfast, not only is it healthy but you’ll be one of the cool kids. Apparently, it all the rage with the hipsters. You can also add it to salads and smoothies or use it as a base for sauces and dips.

• Cayenne pepper. Spice things up with cayenne pepper it will help suppress your appetite and aid in weight loss. One study found that using cayenne pepper can makes you eat fewer calories, so why not try it.
  
  
  • The chemicals in cayenne pepper help boost the metabolism, make you feel less hungry and help burn fat in the body.
    
    
  • Add Cayenne pepper to your meals as you cook. It can be sprinkled on salads and added to soups. However, be careful to not keep it near your cinnamon, you may grab the wrong spice and load your oatmeal up with Cayenne, I can tell you it’s a rude awakening.
    
    
• Apples. An apple a day keeps the doctor and unwanted pounds away.

The fiber and pectin in apples can make you feel full, so you’re less likely overeat.

• Apples are crunchy, juicy and sweet! They can feed the craving for sugar and the craving for something crunchy without sabotaging your weight loss goals.

• Apples take more time to chew than other foods. This gives your body the time to process what you’re eating and send signals to your brain that you’re full faster.
  
  
  • The multiple varieties of apples also keep things interesting, however my favourite are the Pink Ladies.

Simply put… they’re juicy, they’re crunchy, they’re Delicious!

Enjoy these natural appetite suppressants as you diet. Keep in mind that exercise and a generally healthy overall eating plan are also important for losing weight.

Tips on how to survive Valentine’s weekend when you are single

In case this pandemic has you locked down in a bunker without TV or internet. You are very aware that it’s Valentine’s Day this weekend. We are getting bombarded with ads telling you that if he loves you, he will give you diamonds. Or maybe you have friends that are celebrating Valentine week and getting special gifts daily until the big day. You see post of couples expressing their love and how happy they are to have found their soulmate.

I call bullshit on 80% of those posts and good for you on the 20% that have found their person. I have never been one to get caught up in the hype of Valentine’s Day, it’s not a stat holiday so I deem it useless. Give me that day off work and I will get excited about it.

Does Valentine’s Day get you down?

I know some of you are probably feeling that loneliness of this time of year and it is to be expect. We can’t socialize due to lockdowns and the guilt that if you break the rules you may unknowingly be spreading the virus because you are an a-symptomatic spreader. Then on top of the pandemic stress, you have all the damn ads and posts making you feel unlovable because you are single!

You are loveable and to celebrate all that makes you…You! Take this weekend to show yourself some love and make Valentine’s Day as celebration of your awesome lovable self!

Tips on how to can celebrate you:

1. Buy something pretty. Have you been eyeing a pretty pair of earrings, or longing to buy those sexy thigh high boots? I am sure there is something you want and are thinking I wish I had someone to buy those for me. Don’t wait for that someone, buy them for yourself. The best gifts are the ones we get ourselves because we get exactly what we want!
   
   
2. Drink till you feel pretty. If you can see your friends, rally the troops and have a girl’s night in. Play games, drink wine, and remind each other that you are all fabulous!
   
   
3. Indulge in you favourite meal. Make your favorite meal, or order from your favourite place. Maybe you have been avoiding carbs and are dying for a pizza, I say make Valentine’s day a guilt free day for indulgence.  
   
   
4. Pamper yourself. Take a long bubble bath with a good book and a glass of wine. Give yourself a manicure/ pedicure, put on makeup to go grocery shopping because when you feel good you ooze confidence.

• Do an act of kindness. Most times the best gifts are the ones we give to others. There is a lot of joy to be had when you know you have brighten someone else’s day. I have a lovely 85 year old neighbour that lost her husband last April so I am going to put a little gift bag together for her and leave at her door on Sunday morning. She is always giving me little treats it the least I can for her.

How will I be celebrating?

My wonderful government is allowing me a single person to mingle with another household during this second round of lockdown in Ontario. I mean it only took them 10 months to figure out that maybe it’s not the best idea to have people living alone be totally isolated.

I have been invited to my brother’s (the household I have been mingling with) for Valentine’s Dinner, I go every week to mooch a meal but this week it’s going to be Valentine’s Day, I was told the menu, but my sister-in-law lost me a homemade chocolate cheesecake!

I am also expecting to get a chocolate man, my sister-in-law has gotten me them in the past, so I’m excited about that. Seriously ladies nothing feels better after a bad day of working for a narcissistic male then coming home to bite the head off your chocolate man.

Whatever you do this weekend enjoy yourself, be kind to yourself and remember you are not alone!

4 Steps to help overcome Emotional Overeating

Has this pandemic become the battle of the bulge? Do you have love / hate relationship with the scale? Are you gaining weight that seems to stay around forever? The cause might be emotional overeating.

I am guilty of this, now matter what the emotion stress, depressed, anger and even when happy food is my comfort. When happy it’s disguised as a celebration, I’ve earned the right to eat whatever I want. However, I have noticed that different emotions have me seeking out different comfort foods. When I am stressed or angry, I tend to want sweet comforts. When I am sad its junk food like chips or take out. When happy its all the above.

What is emotional overeating?

Emotional overeating is a complex topic, but to simplify you are eating your feelings!

As defined by the Mayo Clinic Emotional Eating is eating to suppress or soothe negative emotions, such as stress, anger, fear, boredom, sadness and loneliness. Major life events or, more commonly, the hassles of daily life can trigger negative emotions that lead to emotional eating and disrupt your weight-loss efforts.

Food is a source of comfort for us emotional eaters. Sadly, the comfort doesn’t last it’s a temporary rush of feel good emotions then the guilt of overeating kicks in and then you are berating yourself for sabotaging your diet and weight-loss goals.

Try these easy steps to help with your emotional overeating.

1. Know your triggers. When you feel the need to eat your feelings it is usually triggered by an event, thought, or feeling.

If you are not yet mindful of your triggers start a journal. Start by writing out your feelings. Are you stressed, bored, sad or is this real hunger that you are feeling?

If you can figure out your triggers, then it will be easier to take control of them.

My trigger is work stress and now due to ‘The Vid’ and being in lockdown I am seeking comfort in food much more then normal. Your triggers may be the same or it could be family and relationship issues.

2. Eat when you’re hungry. Learn to listen to your body and pay attention to real hunger pangs. Make sure to also keep hydrated so an you don’t confuse being thirsty with being hungry.

3. Make alternative plans. For example, if you know that you are going to have a stressful day at work, and this causes you to stress eat then plan and try to prevent it. Try substituting a more positive action that also brings you comfort or reduces your stress like looking at dog videos on Instagram. Nothing better than watching a cubby French bulldog getting stuck in a box. Maybe dog videos aren’t your thing, but you get the idea.

– Take a long walk or workout after work to get rid of stress.
– Instead of running to grab that bags chips after an argument, watch your favourite sitcom to get you in a happier mood. Or get out of your comfort zone and call a friend instead of texting.

The plan is to find other ways to deal with your stress and negative emotions.

4) Find your tribe.  Surround yourself with people that your are comfortable with, that support and lift up. Create a support group to help each other with your fitness and health goals.

Your are not alone, many of us eat our feelings and most of the time without realizing it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and we can change. Take small steps to create your new habits and reach out when you need help.

Guilty pleasure Friday – Kingdom edition

Last week Queen B shared with us how she is entertaining herself with TikTok to help get through the pandemic.  I have not gone down that road, because I have Netflix to finish.

Yes, binge watching shows is my go-to, it started last March with Tiger King and I haven’t stopped. I can usually get through a season of something in a weekend. I have been watching Kingdom for the last 3 months, this series is only 3 seasons and I am currently on the 3^rd season now, but I need to take breaks from it.  Why? Because I absolutely love Jay Kulina.

Why I am obsessed with Jay Kulina…

I love this character because he’s sexy, witty and lives life like it’s his last day on earth. He trains hard, parties hard and loves hard.  Having a mother who had abandoned him has left him with deep seeded emotional issues. Even though he can be hot temper it is not without reason, he is fiercely protective of the people that he loves. As one love interest put it “His heart is too big for this world”.

Also, he can fill out a pair of man panties! Damn!

Why I need to take a break from Kingdom?

This show has everything, drama, romance, and MMA fighting. But I need to take breaks because Jay consumes my thoughts, I am embarrassed to say I cannot get the man out of my head. I think about what he has gone through and what he is going through. I understand his struggle to better himself and no one seeing him as nothing but the hot-headed fighter.

 I often wonder why is it so hard to meet to man like Jay? A man that has a passion for something, is loyal, will protect you at all cost and love you like there is no other.  Really what this comes down to is we need the world to go back to normal. I need to get out there and start meeting people so that I can stop fantasizing about a TV character!

In the meantime, I will get my Jay fix weekly and hope by the time I am done I can go back out in to the world.

Can you relate to this? Is there a TV crush that keeps you distracted? What have you been bingeing and why?

Would you live here?

Single Gals Utopia (A.K.A. Cougarville) – Where the grass is lush, and the bushes are trimmed.

I don’t plan on being single forever, but it may be the case. Dating today is hard and gets harder as we get older. The online dating world frustrates me to say the least. Meeting organically is impossible since we are all in lockdown. What are we Single Gals to do?

We should buy land…

Here’s my plan, I think we should ban together and purchase a big piece of land and build our own gated community. We all have our own homes with pools, tiki bars and an endless supply of wine.

Only good-looking men attend to the property, we’ll have pool boys, chefs and fitness instructors. We can sustain our community by selling our quarantine crafts. Ladies continue pom pomming, bedazzling, knitting, making mask sprays, beauty products and whatever else you’ve taken up during this past year.

In Single Gals Utopia there is no judgement! We will support, motivate, and rally for each other. No one will ever feel lonely and we will have an endless supply of hot men so we can all have one if we want

There will be activities such as:

• Erotic book club with wine
• Cooking classes with wine
• Daily fitness classes (wine after)
• Snow showing with wine (just because we need a winter activity)
• Disco Friday’s (just for you Alison, you know who you are)

Our theme song will be:

Courgerville ♬

Nibblin’ on Nachos

Watchin’ the Pool boys

Waxing my legs with high hopes

Smellin’ the french fries♫

Wastin’ away in Cougarville

 looking for my corkscrew for a twist off top.

Some people claim there’s a man to blame and their right! 

 Everybody knows it’s his damn fault. ♫

Now the big Question…

Would you live here?

Believe in yourself it will make you stronger

Do you often second guess the decisions your make? Question your judgement at times? Are you afraid to voice your opinions or stand up for yourself in front of others?

Girlfriend it’s time to make these practices a thing of the past! Let’s start making changes now! Start by holding your head high, shoulder back and strut, believe that you have value and that your opinions matter. That it’s okay to be YOU, you can have doubts, change your mind and disagree with others. You can be unsure during these trying times.

Allow yourself to have more confidence in everything that you do. Close your eyes and imagine what your confident self looks and feels like. Do your see yourself walking tall and commanding attention? Is your tone firm and reassuring to others?

Now say to yourself:

“I feel stronger knowing that I can build my confidence by changing my behaviors”.

“I believe that I should be heard and that my opinions matter”

 “I believe I am a capable, competent, and unique individual which makes me unstoppable”

“I believe in me”

Now we need to get the root of what’s causing your insecurities and what’s holding you back from being your most confident self. It’s time to go within and do some self-reflecting. Find a quiet place that you can get comfortable, light a candle, play some soft relaxing music do whatever you need to make this your place of peace and happiness.

Meditate on this:

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. What does a confident person look like to me? What confident bahaviours do I see in others and that I can emulate?
2. What negative beliefs am I holding? Why am I holding on to them?
3. What new habits can I practice that help build my confidence?

Remember building your confidence will take time, Rome wasn’t built in a day and your self doubt didn’t happen overnight. But being aware and recognizing that you may need work in this area is the first step to becoming your most radiant confident self.

Please share with us your confidence building tips.