Tips on how to survive Valentine’s weekend when you are single

In case this pandemic has you locked down in a bunker without TV or internet. You are very aware that it’s Valentine’s Day this weekend. We are getting bombarded with ads telling you that if he loves you, he will give you diamonds. Or maybe you have friends that are celebrating Valentine week and getting special gifts daily until the big day. You see post of couples expressing their love and how happy they are to have found their soulmate.

I call bullshit on 80% of those posts and good for you on the 20% that have found their person. I have never been one to get caught up in the hype of Valentine’s Day, it’s not a stat holiday so I deem it useless. Give me that day off work and I will get excited about it.

Does Valentine’s Day get you down?

I know some of you are probably feeling that loneliness of this time of year and it is to be expect. We can’t socialize due to lockdowns and the guilt that if you break the rules you may unknowingly be spreading the virus because you are an a-symptomatic spreader. Then on top of the pandemic stress, you have all the damn ads and posts making you feel unlovable because you are single!

You are loveable and to celebrate all that makes you…You! Take this weekend to show yourself some love and make Valentine’s Day as celebration of your awesome lovable self!

Tips on how to can celebrate you:

1. Buy something pretty. Have you been eyeing a pretty pair of earrings, or longing to buy those sexy thigh high boots? I am sure there is something you want and are thinking I wish I had someone to buy those for me. Don’t wait for that someone, buy them for yourself. The best gifts are the ones we get ourselves because we get exactly what we want!
   
   
2. Drink till you feel pretty. If you can see your friends, rally the troops and have a girl’s night in. Play games, drink wine, and remind each other that you are all fabulous!
   
   
3. Indulge in you favourite meal. Make your favorite meal, or order from your favourite place. Maybe you have been avoiding carbs and are dying for a pizza, I say make Valentine’s day a guilt free day for indulgence.  
   
   
4. Pamper yourself. Take a long bubble bath with a good book and a glass of wine. Give yourself a manicure/ pedicure, put on makeup to go grocery shopping because when you feel good you ooze confidence.

• Do an act of kindness. Most times the best gifts are the ones we give to others. There is a lot of joy to be had when you know you have brighten someone else’s day. I have a lovely 85 year old neighbour that lost her husband last April so I am going to put a little gift bag together for her and leave at her door on Sunday morning. She is always giving me little treats it the least I can for her.

How will I be celebrating?

My wonderful government is allowing me a single person to mingle with another household during this second round of lockdown in Ontario. I mean it only took them 10 months to figure out that maybe it’s not the best idea to have people living alone be totally isolated.

I have been invited to my brother’s (the household I have been mingling with) for Valentine’s Dinner, I go every week to mooch a meal but this week it’s going to be Valentine’s Day, I was told the menu, but my sister-in-law lost me a homemade chocolate cheesecake!

I am also expecting to get a chocolate man, my sister-in-law has gotten me them in the past, so I’m excited about that. Seriously ladies nothing feels better after a bad day of working for a narcissistic male then coming home to bite the head off your chocolate man.

Whatever you do this weekend enjoy yourself, be kind to yourself and remember you are not alone!

Welcome to ‘Man Express’ …May I take your order?

Ladies wouldn’t it be nice if we could hop into our cars and drive up to the ‘Man Express’ where you can order up the man of your dreams, or the man of the moment. Whatever your pleasure they will have it.

Here are a few examples of what you could order at ‘Man Express’ and remember gals you can create your own combo’s.

 The Classic – a Sliver haired fox, he knows how to treat a woman. He will open doors, pull out your chair, listen and place his hands on your lower back as you walk into a room.

The Manly Man – He will fix anything you need fixing. He comes home smelling of man sweat because he does manual labour all day. He thinks there are men tasks (hard labour) and women tasks (cooking) but still loves a strong independent woman.

 

 

 

 

The Bad Boy – He’s is your typical bad boy in the sense he will be hard to read, even distant at times. However once you win his heart you’re his number one.  There is no predicting what the bad boy will do but he will be there to protect, provide and support you.

 

 

The Good Guy – Hard working, smart, talks to you not at you. You always know where you stand with him.

 

 

 

 

The All in One – He is a combination of old school gentleman, a good guy with an edge. He is a pretty manly man who will cook for you.

 

 

 

 

The Sex – this man is smart, sexy and smooth. He could be the man of your dreams or the man of the moment. Whatever you want him for it’s guaranteed to be HOT.

 

 

 

 

The Prefect Man – He be all that you want him to be and more. Due to the rarity of this specimen he may not be in stock.

 

 

 

 

I’d like the All in One with a side of Sex… Supersized!

What’s your order?

The Perfect Man vs. Aliens..does either one really exist?

Some days I feel like I’m Foxy Mulder (yes that’s what I called him) but instead of trying to prove alien existence I’m trying to prove the perfect man exists… Or more appropriately my version of the perfect man.

Like Mulder “I Want to Believe” but each new dating experience leads me to think that there is some universal conspiracy stopping me from finding him. I get signs every once in a while that gives me hope of his existence. For example when a man holds the door open for me who happens to be under the age of 50 (if he’s over 50 that’s not a sign it just old school manners). Or when I have an extremely rare connection with a someone but due to circumstances it is nothing more than a sign to let me know that NICE guys really do exist and to keep believing. Once my faith is renewed the conspirators throw me off the trial by sending along Mr. 1986 who asks if I have man hands after calling me a beautiful giant only to text me later that night with ‘Hello, U there Fag?”

How long am I suppose to hang on to the belief that my perfect man exists. Didn’t Mulder become a little crazed with his quest to prove Alien existence? Isn’t that why he got the nickname ‘Spooky Mulder’? Could it be that Foxy and I are on the same quest? Is the perfect man an Alien?!

Aliens                                                                                                 

1) Spotted at night in rural America

2) There’s lots of debate about what THEY look like

3) Highly intelligent 

The Perfect Man

1) Seen in Chick Flicks of dark movie theatre’s

2) There’s lots of debate about what HE looks like

3) He ain’t no dummy

There you have it Gals the Perfect Man is Alien!  According to Aliens The Truth Aliens reside in the following areas:

• Area 51 Groom Lake, S4 Papoose Dry Lake, Nellis Bombing and Gunnery Range, Nevada
• Dulce, New Mexico
• Datil, New Mexico
• Four Corners Area, N.M., Arizona, Utah, Colorado
• Sunspot, New Mexico
• Pie Town, New Mexico
• Roswell, New Mexico
• Northern Nevada

I knew it; ‘The Perfect Man’ loves Mexican food! This explains why I have not had a perfect man siting here in Toronto, I’m in the wrong time zone.

Have you had a Perfect Man encounter? What did your Perfect Man look like? Should I move to New Mexico?