How to survive the online dating world

I grew up in the 90’s dating era, it was a time when you met a boy, he took your number and YES he called you. Usually, it ended up being a relationship. Imagine that meeting and investing time to get to know each other, how primitive.

Now I must contend with online dating, I have never been a fan but how does one find a life partner when you can’t go to events or social gatherings. I conceded defeat and joined Bumble, I like the concept that the woman has control, and that users can’t see when you are online.  I have been on the app for two months, had many conversations that go nowhere. I make 3 attempts to engage in conversation but it’s usually one-word answers with no real follow up.  

If you can breakthrough and have a conversation and it moves to talking outside the app (Second Base in the online dating world) it can go one of three ways.

  1. After the first hey this Blah Blah Blah text he will ask for more pics, usually Tit Pics
  2. You keep talking and set up at date. Then they will just disappear off the face of the earth until one day the Aliens send them back and they WILL reach out to you a week or two later with “Hey how’s it going?”
  3. You make it to a date only to find out that the pics were from 10 years ago when he was 60lbs lighter and had hair. Post current pictures please that way if someone swipes right, they are interested in the person they see now not 10 years ago.  I know it’s hard to put yourself out there and as you get older you want to hang on to those glory days. But just do it because your person is out there, and they will eventually find you.  Yes, even after all this I am hopeful that my person will find me.

So how do you survive online dating?

  1. Focus on yourself, start a self-care routine. I’ve bought a spin bike and have been working out daily. I am lucky enough to have medical plan that allows me to use it for alternative health practices. I have gone to the naturopath, got a couple of massages, next will be acupuncture. All things the strengthen my wellbeing. The better your feel about yourself the less you care when thing go nowhere online.
  2. Delete your account! If you find that you are getting jaded or depressed by it all it’s time to delete your account. I do believe we attract what we are putting out. If we are expecting to meet mister Tit Pic we will meet him just to confirm our belief that they are all like that.
  3. Maybe you have meet someone with strong potential and want thing to move along but you must deal with them and all their options or what they perceive are options. When the reality is the pool is not that big. You must come to terms that this may drag on and you may never meet, it’s up to you to decide how long you are willing to stick it out.  If you do this keep your options open as well.

Good luck out there, I know you can find what you are looking for just don’t lose yourself in the process. When that person comes along hopefully it will just flow and everything will easily fall into place. Be strong, take care of yourself and remember you are not alone. The struggle is real, but we need to believe that the universe has our back and will send that perfect person our way when the time is right.

To hot for words

Oh and here’s another one girls, I’m on a blogging rampage…so I recently rejoined online cause it’s so hilarious, and here’s one of the first messages I get…keep in mind, I’ve blocked all “intimate encounter” type emails:

“baby, i got a big thick, a muscular body, fine all around im told…I would love to pleasure you, and let you ride me until we both cu.m. also, i take a pill that is a natural version of viagra… it works awesome 😉
if we met in public you’d see me, and could judge then.”

Online is awesome! Should I meet up with him?

Single Chick

Watch out for crazy….

I been online and sort of doing the dating thing, I’m not as adventurous as Single Chick and her mission of 50 dates. So I don’t really respond to people, yes I know why bother being online.  I read profiles and I try to get a sense of whether it would be worth my time or not and most are NOT.  Am I to picky I don’t know, but my instincts are usually right so I try to listen to them.  One guy had contacted me, I looked at his profile and something didn’t sit right with me, not sure but it was just a sense. So he contacted me again, I still did not respond and then his last contact was the following message, keep in mind we have never talked and nor has he met me. I have cut and pasted what he wrote so the grammar and spelling mistakes are all his!
I would just love for you to stand by my hip for just 30 seconds to sense the real wonder. I can just imagine the empty flakes, and the losers who are vying for your hand and attention. How much longer are you going to hold out for. Until your head is full of grey and in a manic depressive state with no mania to pull at your you to brighten your day. Tell me whats wrong with you for there is nothing wrong with me. You girls supposedly come on here flashing your absurd empty confidence and for what, all talk no action. You think every guy just wants to fuck you and toss you like a dirty dish rag. Where is your acument, your wit, your senses, why are you a hopeless soul. is the grass greener in your world. I am confused. Do you enjoy beig single, do you enjoy there is nobody to show you affection at the end of the day, cook you a nice meal, really care about your feelings, get to the core of who and what you are. What am I missing. When are the lights going to blast off in your cranium. At this pace you will be alone forever, what a shame. I feel sorry for you and can only hope you snap out of your settled ways. It sometimes take the ruthless truth to hit a nerve and I hope this message does just that. Don’t you want happiness for once and for all, truly. What the alternative, your vibrator or dildo. Get in the game sunshine.
Yes… this is what’s out there unfortunately. I did not respond to this I really see no need as to why I should. I don’t take it personal for he knows nothing about me. I just fear for the poor girl that does go on a date with him, I truly think he is unbalanced. I did report him, but I have no idea what they do with that and there are countless dating web site out there and he is probably on all of them. 
What this jackass does not realize is the my life is very happy and if he were my alternative to being single, I’ll take a vibrator over him any day and as Single Chick so eloquently put it  
I suggest you take that ruthless truth of yours and shove it up your fucking ass…and I also suggest you keep it to yourself or you will be the single one forever, not me. Shit head.” 

Got any AA’s anyone?

Online Dating…WTF?

Well it is not 1.5 months later on eHarmony and there is still no improvement in my dating life. Online dating seems to be an outlet for the socially challenged or the over the top romantic ( A.K.A The Cheese Ball).

For the socially challenged, eHarmony is great because you have to communicate by sending sets of questions to the woman of interest. It gives these poor socially challenged males security. They can communicate with numerous women and never have it go anywhere. Yet at the same time it fills their delusions that they are out there socializing and are actually quite the stud because they have been chatting with 3 potential matches.

Then there is the guy that puts down that “creating romance in a relationship” is one of his best life skills!? What the hell does that mean, seriously is that to impress the ladies? If that is your greatest life skill, then why are you single? It just makes me think that he’s the guy who’s always hanging off of you, who can’t just chill and have a drink without having candles and a fire. In my experience, guys that go out of their way to create romance have nothing else to offer. Everything is over the top because they don’t know how to do the little things.

This is the worst type of guy because they live out this fantasy in their heads then when reality hits and their fantasy doesn’t match the illusion, it’s all downhill from there. At this point the self-absorbed ass comes out and all he does is whine and complain because you should be blown away by the trail of rose petals leading to your car. PLEASE!!!! I rather someone hold my hair back after having had 1 tequila shot too many on a night out with the girls. Now that’s romance!!

Lets not forget the guys that don’t post a picture, I know he’s probably thinking “if that special someone is serious about meeting someone then they should not worry about what a person looks like”…actually Jack Ass we do worry! Posting a picture gives us a sense of who you are, a smile does say a thousand words, besides, why should you be able to check out everyone else’s pictures but they can’t look at you! PREVERT!

Now my favorite is the guy that only puts up a picture of his abs. What are you trying to say with this picture? Are you seriously looking for a relationship or a booty call? If it’s a booty call I have two words for you ‘Lave Life”.

You’re probably wondering where I fit in on eHarmony…to be honest I’m not sure. I am in no means socially challenged and nor is one of my life skills “creating romance in a relationship”. However back in the day I have held the hair of one or two of my long haired rock star wanna be boyfriends after he had one tequila shot too many. So maybe I do create romance??!! Oh no I’m just another Cheese Ball! I guess I should change my profile and put a picture up of my ass which looks great in my Lulu Lemons. Hell if you can’t beat em, join em!!

Single Gal

The perils of online dating…

We did it!! Single Chick and I have signed up for eHarmony, those damn commercials finally sucked us in.

We have both been single for awhile and obviously whatever it was that we were doing was NOT working…so it’s time to change up the routine. We have decided to get more proactive about this dating thing. Here are some ways that eHarmony seems better than most dating sites:

1) It takes a ridiculously long time to fill out the questionnaire, so expect to spend at least two hours doing this. If you are not sure what you are looking for you will by the end of this process.

2) You cannot surf through endless singles and window shop. You do not see anyone unless they are a matched to you. The matches are sent based on your answers in the questionnaire.

3) “Guided communication” – this means there are steps to follow if you want to communicate with your match. First you send a set of questions to someone you’re interested in, and then your match can respond and has to send you a set of questions. After that you send your “Must Haves” and “Can’t Stands”, and then it’s on to round two of the questions. After getting past the second round of questions you then proceed to “Open Communication”, this means you can send eHarmony e-mails to each other.

4) Open communication can be a bit daunting because you can chat with someone for a while and feel like “am I ever going meet this person?” Then again it is also good in the sense you can get a better feel for someone before meeting up, so it’s like a double edge sword you just have to get past.

I have made it through all these stages with a match. We finally met for a drink after a month of communicating. From my prospective it went well, we got along; we have a lot of common interests and the same sense of humor. Now this is where the confusion comes in, as to what happens next. He did ask if we can do this again some time, so how long do you wait for the next date? If he has not asked you within 48 hours of your initial meeting should you just move on? Also the hard part with dating is trying to not take it personally when you don’t get asked for a second date. Here’s the deal people – I think we should start being upfront at the end of the date if you want to see me again say so and then follow through. If not just say it was great meeting you and have a nice life.

On a good note I did have a good time and if anything eHarmony got me to go on a date with someone nice who I got along with. I don’t have any other prospective matches in the works at the moment but I still have 2 months left on there and I am hopeful.

So if you’ve tried everything and still haven’t gone online give it a try…really you have nothing to loose.

Good Luck, it’s a jungle out there!

Single Gal

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