Sometimes it takes 25 dates…

Over the holidays while I was visiting my family in New Brunswick I was reflecting on 2012 and what I wanted to do differently in 2013. I felt like I had done a lot of work on myself last year and I made a choice that this year I really wanted to put myself out there and open myself up to the possibility of dating. No more hiding or making excuses! So, how to do that?

If you’re like me then you aren’t sold on the idea of internet dating. It’s not that I don’t think it works- I do have friends that met their husbands online. But I also know lots of fabulous women who met a lot of duds and ended up giving up on it. Frankly I don’t have a lot of patience to sift through profiles and email with a stranger until a meeting is set up only to find out that their photo was 15 years old and they exaggerated everything about themselves. So, I decided to take a different approach and over Christmas break, I pre-registered for a Speed Dating Event!

I was drawn to this type of event as I love the idea of meeting someone face-to-face right away! I also thought it sounded like it would be a lot of fun regardless. So on Jan 30th, I attended my first ever Speed Dating Event. For this particular event, you showed up at 7 pm to sign in and get your name tag that also had a number on it. Then as the woman, you got to pick your table for 2. Most importantly, I then headed to the bar to get a large glass of wine! You are given a sheet of paper when you sign in that has on the left hand side a column of numbers and columns to check either a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ by each number. The right hand side of the sheet was for taking notes so you could remember who was who.

The dates started promptly at 7:30 pm where a guy sits down at your table and for 3 minutes, you ask each other questions and chat. I was lucky as the very first guy that sat down at my table had some very thoughtful questions and although I did not see us as being a potential match, he relaxed me and I started the night out thoroughly enjoying myself. Every 3 minutes, the bell would ring and your date would be over and the next guy would move into the seat across from you. You didn’t want to check a box in front of them so I was trying to rely on notes I was taking. I was also scrambling to get notes down as I didn’t want to sit there writing while talking to each guy.

There was an eclectic group of people at this event but overall, I have to say that everyone was really friendly and genuinely nice. Of course, there were a few cocky fellas in the bunch that didn’t really ask me any questions but talked about themselves the entire time….On the other side of the scale there was also a few awkward but sweet guys (one in particular that wanted to get a cat that I almost wanted to coach and tell him to pretend to be into sports). At one point I looked down the row of tables to see the ladies that had attended. I have to say that judging based on appearances, most of them were attractive ladies and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. There really wasn’t a sense of competition going on either- there really was an overall sense of fun and a bit of nervousness. I ended up going out with a few of the ladies I met there for a drink afterwards to unwind and chat about the night.

I ended up getting three matches from the event, which means that I checked ‘yes’ for them and they checked ‘yes’ for me. When you get a match, you get sent your matches’ email address and then it is up to you or him to follow up. Thus far, I went out on a date with one of my matches and I have two more dates lined up with the other two. However, the first date went so well that I would like to see him again! I sort of feel like I’m the bachelorette and I am weeding through my brood.

I have to say even if I didn’t have any matches, I had such a fun experience Speed Dating that I would definitely do it again. I would highly recommend it if you’re like me and like the thought of meeting people face-to-face in a safe and fun atmosphere. I would also recommend that you don’t do the event with a girlfriend. A lot of the women came in pairs and one guy told me that that was very off putting. He said that it is already difficult to come up with unique questions in such a short time and the added pressure that the friends are going to ask each other what they were asked afterwards was stressful. For me, I did it alone as I didn’t want to end up picking the same guy as one of my gal pals- what if we both ended up with the same match!

If my dates don’t end up leading to anything then I will sign up for Speed Dating again. Maybe I’ll see you there!

Commando Barbie

Does size matter?

Could you date someone who you aren’t physically attracted to? For me, this question came along with a few dates I recently went on with a guy who is substantially shorter than me. Believe me, I am not a tall gal. I am all of 5’-5” but due to my love of heals, I typically linger in the 5’-8” range.  My suitor was only about 5’…..

We met at my yoga studio where we would occasionally sit and chat after class. I thought he seemed short, but we never ended up actually standing side by side (despite my attempts here and there to stand up early)! One day he asked for my number, which then proceeded with him asking me to meet him for drinks one evening. When he walked into the pub for our date, I have to admit that my heart sank as I saw how the top of his head only came up to my chin……However, the date itself went really well! He was confident, funny, intelligent and while we were sitting, I was able to forget about our height discrepancy. That is, until we stood up and walked around for a bit afterwards and I felt like I towered above him. I immediately became very uncomfortable again with our height difference. (How many of you saw that episode of Sex in the City where Samantha meets the short guy at the bar?)

I come from a family of tall men (strike that; very tall men!) where they are all well above 6’ (tallest brother is 6’-7” down to 6-2”!) and have never dated anyone shorter than 6’. I am used to being the shortest and that is where I am comfortable. But, although this scenario was out of my comfort zone, he seemed like a really nice guy so I decided to give it another go! Plus, I couldn’t help but ask myself if was I discounting this guy too quickly based on the physical package alone. Could I get over this? My own mother indicated that this may be why I’m still single (easy for her to say since she married a tall man that she thought was handsome!).

For our second date, he surprised me with a picnic dinner! It was incredibly thoughtful and it showed that he had clearly put some work into this date! It was definitely a romantic setting. Only it didn’t exactly feel romantic to me. I became painfully aware from the moment I got into his car that I was not attracted to him or interested in any type of physical relationship whatsoever. This despite his efforts to kiss me, massage me and feed me the entire time. I spent the evening trying to avoid physical contact, which was not exactly an easy task with this guy! Confidence is definitely attractive, but I was a bit surprised that he was not picking up on my continuous pulling away.

I know it is a European trait for a man to want to feed a woman, but I was quite uncomfortable with it and I do have to admit that I like my space and don’t always like to be constantly touched. I felt a little like I was the cat in the “Pepe Le Pew” cartoon.

Perhaps it is the way we women think, but I did not want to end a date that he had put so much thought and effort into by telling him that I did not see our relationship progressing into anything. So instead I gave him a short kiss and thanked him for a lovely evening.

I ended up phoning him a few nights later (after receiving a few text messages from him that again showed me we were not on the same page) to let him know that although I had a wonderful time with him that I did not see any type of romantic relationship developing with us and that I did not have feelings for him in that way. He said that he respected the fact that I was upfront and honest and we parted ways.

Was 2 dates enough to make up my mind about someone? Well, I definitely think so. I do think there has to be some sort of a spark or at least a bit of attraction. However, I do sometimes worry that I am looking for something that doesn’t actually exist; the perfect guy.
Do you think I am being to picky?  Would you date someone who you we not attracted to in hopes of forming an attraction? Is height an issue for you?

Commando Barbie

 

 

My Gasssy Story

You know when you are in a new relationship and you want the guy to think that you wake up looking decent? And, if he is staying for several days in a row, that you are a sexy gal and as such, you certainly don’t fart (and girls don’t poop either, right?)!

At first I tried leaving a tiny bit of make-up on my eyes when going to bed, however I would wake up in the morning looking slightly raccoon-esque and frankly, looked terrible. So I completely gave up on that aspect and embraced the fact that I am simply someone that is not going to wake up looking pretty. So, let’s focus on the other……

I did not think I was a gassy person, but perhaps I just never noticed while sleeping alone. One evening in the middle of the night, I actually woke myself up with a toot! I immediately became wide awake and with sheer panic, opened my eyes to see if he was awake. Oh please God, be asleep! He was! I listened to his slow, even breathing and deducted that he wasn’t faking on my account. Phew!

On another more recent visit, we were out for a couple of drinks on his last night in town. I tell you this as my stomach never appreciates when I mix beer and wine in one sitting. Low and behold, I wake myself up the next morning with an unhappy belly and the stinkiest fart I have ever, ever had! It smelled so badly that I knew I was going to be caught this time! I opened my eyes slowly to look at him and ohhhhh……his eyes were open!!!! Ugggghhhh!

Internally I was dying (frankly, that’s what it smelled like too!) and he had a bit of a smirk but didn’t say anything. We had to get up super early so I could drive him to the airport so he simply got up and went to shower. What to do, what to do? Do I say anything? Do I make a joke? Do I blame him because no sexy woman would release toxic fumes like that!

In my humiliated state, I said nothing. We are usually kind of quiet when we know the end of our visit together is ending but I did not want THAT to be the last thing he remembered from his trip! Still, I said nothing……

About three days later, I get a text message from him, “hahahaha- omg I am still laughing. You were soooo stinky on Friday morning! And I was so polite I didn’t even make fun of you!” Well, there it was! He was having a good laugh several days later, which of course meant that it really was the last thing he remembered from our visit! Uggghhh! No, no, no!!!!! I wrote back that that wasn’t nice, my belly was upset that morning! I also decided to make light of the situation and have a laugh at myself too. “Hahaha- yes, I did not want your last memory of our visit to be of me being stinky!”

Admittedly, I have become somewhat neurotic about this now. However, girls fart too! If it happens again (please no!), I will handle it differently and not ignore the elephant in the room. I will make light of it, laugh, and/or blame my non-existant dog.

Commando Barbie

My Sex is on Fire

I would like to introduce you to ‘Commando Barbie‘, she endured the torture of getting a Brazilian wax done for her new beau and this is her story.

I recently started seeing someone who lives in the States and after some fantastic visits, along came the request “I would love it if you would have everything waxed”. Ugghh! I was used to getting bikini waxes but had never gotten a full Brazilian done before! He had sort of hap-hazardly mentioned it before as well, so I thought I would book an appointment and surprise him for his next visit.

I made the appointment for Friday evening as he was going to be flying in on Saturday afternoon. All week I was preparing myself mentally and doing the daily countdown until it became the hourly countdown. I figured that although it may hurt and be a bit embarrassing in front of the waxer, my new beau was definitely going to make this worth my while!

When I got to my appointment, I made a point of telling the waxer that I had never done this before and that I felt a bit nervous. She told me that it hurts the most the first time. The second time, it feels a bit less intense and after that it will not be nearly as sensitive. That made sense to me- it doesn’t bother me in the least now to get my eyebrows done, and my bikini line is no longer that sensitive……

Despite my mental preparations, I turned into a complete sweaty, nervous mess lying half naked on the paper covered table. She had me pull on my skin to hold it in place while she waxed and ripped away. However, after a few rips, a very strange thing happened! I was barely tolerating the situation when she bent over and started blowing on me! She then tore another strip and then blew, another strip and then blew. I have to say that realizing what she was doing did take the pain away for a moment as I was so taken by surprise. And then oddly, it actually gave me some relief on my burning self! Oh, it was burning! I believe I actually laughed a little at the hilarity of the situation. I was paying someone to cause me complete and utter discomfort! And this woman is actually blowing on my vagina and I am not yelling at her to stop!

Then she began waxing along the middle. My finding the situation funny immediately turned to complete anger with this pain. I first wanted to punch her in the face and then I wanted to rip every hair out of my new boyfriend’s body. I actually stopped her for a second to ask her if I could book an appointment for him. She said no. As the grand finale, she had me flip over and waxed my ass crack, which oddly was not sensitive. However, that is something I would rather not do ever again.

I left for home walking with my legs spread and still feeling raw anger, I ruined the surprise by texting my boyfriend to tell him how annoyed I was at him over the whole experience.

I was still sore when I picked him up from the airport and he felt terrible for having made the request. But, by the next day it was fine! I did feel a bit shy about him seeing me as I felt a very different level of nakedness and I’m still not used to it. But yes, he did make it worth my while.

Will I do it again? I am highly doubtful. However, if I do decide to give it a second try (perhaps while drunk) I will go to another place that Hopeful in TO recommended.

Commando Barbie