To hot for words

Oh and here’s another one girls, I’m on a blogging rampage…so I recently rejoined online cause it’s so hilarious, and here’s one of the first messages I get…keep in mind, I’ve blocked all “intimate encounter” type emails:

“baby, i got a big thick co.ck, a muscular body, fine all around im told…I would love to pleasure you, and let you ride me until we both cu.m. also, i take a pill that is a natural version of viagra… it works awesome 😉
if we met in public you’d see me, and could judge then.”

Online is awesome! Should I meet up with him?

Single Chick

50 First Dates – Dates 7 thru 9

Hey girls – sorry, it’s been a while. Christmas break and working like a mad man, and then Valentines Day as a florist will seriously impede upon a girl’s dating life, but I did manage to squeeze a couple doozies in. So let’s get right to it…

Date #7 – probably would have been better if he didn’t have a bigger hard on for Pearl Jam than I did…he was part of the fan club…and went to every concert that ever existed…EVER!! Ok, I would have gone out with him a second time, but he never called. I obviously wasn’t a big enough fan. Bummer, cause I would have loved seeing Eddie from front row.

Date #8 – this is one for the books if I ever did say so. So I was messaging 2 guys through a dating site…one named Matt, one named Aaron. Turns out they’re friends and Aaron ends up texting me on behalf of Matt and makes me believe he’s Matt who’s actually Aaron. I got seriously confused. I set up a date with Aaron (who did say he was Aaron, but I at first thought he was Matt) and just as I’m about to leave my house, he calls to tell me I’m meeting Matt. WTF you ask…yes, both these guys are actually in their 30’s…I felt like I was in the playground. So I go, cause now I’m curious. I meet with Matt and OMG…awesome! I actually couldn’t resist telling him how much material he was giving me. He was completely shy, nerdy, security/IT guy and was so freakin nervous, couldn’t look me in the eye. I calmed him down by telling him this was never going to happen…EVER!! He was super sweet though and I told him he’d absolutely be married before me, probably within the next 6 months. So we get onto casual conversation and I ask him what his favourite band was…his answer “The Barenaked Ladies”. True story…no word of a lie.

Date #9 – so I finally meet my “Trip Fontaine*” except it’s not high school, I’m 32 and he’s 40 (so he’s basically already entering his re-hab years…or should be) and then in week #4 he say’s “could you just shut the fuck up for a second” in front of his friend…and that was the end of that. Oh, and his 80 year old mother gives him 6:30am wake up calls or he wouldn’t get up for work. Seriously…another true story…never an exaggeration here, EVER!!

So girls, if this doesn’t pump you up for dating in 2011, I don’t know what will. Good luck out there dudettes, I’m off to surf and flirt with someone that looks like Eddie Vedder.

Single Chick (how much longer do I have to write that??!!)

*Trip Fontaine was the character played by the fabuloso Josh Hartnett in the even more fabuloso movie The Virgin Suicides.

Date #6 – The Coffee Date

Well as you can see, I’m still going on dates, so obviously dates 1 through 5 have not worked out. Not to worry my fellow single gals, I’m starting to get the hang of this thing they call dating.

So I recently had my very first coffee date. I’ve never actually been on a coffee date before. My dates have usually consisted of meeting for drinks or dinner + drinks. I suggested this, but #6 said he’d rather meet for coffee because he reserves drinking for weekends and RIDE is out now. I said that was very responsible of him. I told Hopeful this, and she said coffee dates are good because there will be no alcohol to cloud your judgment. I told her coffee dates are boring and it’s just a sign the guy won’t put out.

So, we meet for coffee. I actually had tea because if I had a coffee I’d never get to sleep that night. I was running late and called him to see if we could meet an hour later…he didn’t sound too impressed. “Whatever,” I thought “I’m busy!!!” So we met at Starbucks but there was nowhere to sit so we went to Tim Hortons. He bought my green tea and we sat in the corner and chatted. All in all it was very uneventful. He was cute and nicely built, but not a very interesting guy.

After about an hour we left and stood by our cars in the parking lot. Chatted some more and while I’m in mid-sentence he leaned in to kiss me but I wasn’t prepared and thought it was a hug and kinda pulled back. It was weird and awkward. See if there had of been drinks involved everything would have been fine and we would have just started going at it!! So we part and while he’s getting in his car, he’s talking about how it’s a new car. I look in the window of the passenger seat to check it out and he say’s “get in”. I open the door and say “if I get in we’ll just end up making out”. Then I leave. I didn’t think I’d hear from him again, but he texted me the next day and asked what I was doing for the weekend. I told him I was busy but was free Friday.

So we make plans to meet for drinks (real drinks this time) on the Friday. Friday comes and after dinner with my girlfriend, I go home to get ready and give him a call. He’s watching the hockey game and asks me to come over and hang with him and his friend and then we can all go to the bar together. WTF?? Apparently his buddy’s girlfriend just kicked him out and he just showed up at his house. I told him I don’t think so and how that would have been cool 10 years ago when I was 21, but not now and not for a second date. Here’s a thought…tell your fucking buddy you have a date and can’t hang out tonight??!! He sounded super disappointed and wrote me this really nice text , but honestly, the guy seems like kind of a tard.

Upwards and onwards to #7….

Single Chick

50 First Dates – Date #5 – The Unexpected Good Time

So my 5th date is a friend of a friend set-up. My friend had never met, let’s call him “Jack”, or knew anything about him. I didn’t care though, I’m up for anything these days so I agreed.
About three weeks ago Jack called and left a message. I called him back the next day and left him a message. Then I didn’t hear from him for two weeks. I had actually forgotten all about him until my friend mentioned that he told his friend he hadn’t called me back yet and she got mad at him for taking too long. He was like “oh is that too long to call back?” for most girls it is too long, but for me who is trying to accumulate 50 dates in a year, I got over it. He was busy…but who the fuck isn’t?

He finally got in touch and we chatted for a bit and set up a date for last Friday. Friday came and I have to admit that I was borderline wanting to cancel. I was tired and really not into it. I decided to suck it up and dragged myself together. We met at a restaurant and he walked in as I was waiting at the bar. I have to say that at first I was like “ok, not too bad” there was something about him. I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

We got seated, and I was instantly at ease…this is how I know (or thought I knew) that I’m probably not that attracted to them. As dinner went on, we had really good conversation, he made me laugh both intentionally and unintentionally, he was complimentary and wanted to know about me. And then it hit me…“he looks like Jack Black!!” Ha, I knew there was something and for some reason I started to find this attractive!

We had a really good time and he paid (I think guys are starting to get the message!). At the end I was parked further away so he drove me to my car where he kissed me very passionately (although when he leaned in I started to laugh…I just couldn’t help it!!) I was surprised how attracted to him I ended up being…it’s almost like he gave me no choice.

It’s funny how we have these ideal men in our mind, men who our friends picture us with (I have one friend who every time I go on a date or meet a guy she claims to have a dream about it thinking this is the one) and who we picture ourselves with. My guy was always at least 6’, built, had tattoos and probably worked a blue collar type job. This guy is the complete opposite of all that.

Remember girls, be opened minded out there. You never know when it will hit you or with who. He may still turn out to be a total jerk (that’s the 31 year old skeptic, standoffish biatch in me) but at least I now know they don’t all have to be Mark Walbergs!

Single chick!

50 First Dates – Date #4 – the anticipated date that never happened

Ok, since going on 50 first dates is probably not really going to happen and every time I think about going on 50 dates, I feel utterly exhausted, I decided to also write about the dates I had thought were a go, but never happened.

I met let’s call him Derek (whouups, that’s his real name), through the natural way, online. He contacted me through the website on one of those free weekend things and gave me his email address cause he doesn’t have an account. He was cute, seemed pretty normal, and told me a lot about himself so I emailed him.

We emailed back and forth a couple times and I gave him my number to call. He called once and left a message, then he texted me twice, then he called again…wow “eager” I thought. Then we chatted one night on the phone for almost 2 hours. He seemed really cool, travelled, loved his job etc. We had a lot in common and he’s gearing up to buy a cottage…how awesome!

So at the end of our conversation he asked if I wanted to do dinner that next week. We set it up for early in the week because it was better for him as he works shifts. So on Sunday I texted him to see if Tuesday would work. I didn’t hear from him till Monday night saying “Hi Brea! Yes we’re still on, but could we make it later in the week?” I said for sure but Thursday was my only day and to let me know if that worked for him. I haven’t heard from him since. What the hell was that all about? I was actually looking forward to this one and then nothing?

Could he be married or have a girlfriend? Maybe, although he did contact me through the “Relationship” section – a section dedicated to the more “serious” of daters. Maybe he’s dead? Or has been exposed to extreme radiation or has tuberculosis? Or maybe his black berry fell in the tub with him and he was electrocuted? Or maybe he has a small penis and deep down knows I would not accept that?

We go through all these different “why” scenarios in our mind because there must be some explanation as to “why” he never called back or why he cancelled etc. But the reality is he just wasn’t that into me…or I guess into dating for that matter because I don’t understand how you can’t be into someone you’ve never met?

Anyways, I definitely think it’s the last scenario for Derek’s situation.

Adios!

Single Chick

50 First Dates – Date #3

As a follow up to my blog “The Dating Machine”, I was chatting with Hopeful the other night and decided to blog about my dates. I’m determined to go on a least 50 this year (unless I meet the man of my dreams…or someone I like enough to go on at least 4 dates?). “The Dating Machine” covered my first 2 dating experience, #1 was ok and #2 was a series of multiple disasters.

Onwards to date #3! I recently joined a dating website and I’m actually enjoying it. Other than the occasional 52 year old that messages me, the guys seem ok and I don’t have to pay a cent cause they contact me! Tuesday night I met up with my first online date – we’ll call him Josh. Josh is 34, crazy into health and fitness (although he did have 2 Guinness and cheesecake!) and seemed decent enough. He’s an entrepreneur…owns a couple businesses and is a pretty busy guy. I told him “no wonder he hasn’t had time to date”. He said he wanted to build his empire first and then he could relax. Funny, cause I’m the complete opposite, I seem to keep tearing down my empire and will probably never retire!

We had really good conversation the whole night, there was a slight attraction there I think, although I’m not too sure. I’d need to go on a 2^nd or 3^rd date to find out for sure. At the end I told him that I had a really good time and he said he did too and that he was so nervous on the way to meet me cause he never does this sort of thing…and then he paid!

In the parking lot we hugged and I said if he wanted to do this again to give me a shout after his trip, he said that sounds great…and then he added “no pressure though right?”…huh? What the heck does that mean? I said “of course not”, but what I really should have said was “No, I don’t need or want to have your babies tomorrow.” Geez. But then he texted me and said he had a really good time and that I was just as cute in person…awwwwww.

It’s funny how people talk about how crazy girls can be when it comes to dating. There are all these self-help dating books directed at women telling us how we should and shouldn’t act, that we shouldn’t be so close minded in finding “the one” (give an ugly guy a chance), don’t talk about kids on the first date etc… And yet, guys seem to be just as ridiculous. I’ve dated guys in the last 2 years who;

1) have asked me if I wanted kids on the second date and who spent all his free time coaching little league

2) constantly phones and harasses me thinking I’m going to change my mind about him

3) told me that they don’t think about me when they’re not with me because they’re still pining over a girl they dated for 5 months 3 years ago

4) who after 5 weeks of dating got ridiculously drunk, made a public scene and then screamed that he “loves me man!!”.

Now if that’s not crazy behavior or in need of a self-help book, then I don’t know what is?

Single Chick

The never ending dating machine

Well – I’ve been away for a while, believe it or not in this away time, I’ve actually gone on a couple dates with hopefully more to come and I’ve actually been reading about dating. I’m charged and focused and this year I will get a boyfriend! Even if I have to kidnap him and cage him (but don’t worry, I’m not desperate or anything).

They say you have to go on at least 50 dates before you actually find someone you can tolerate…ok, maybe those aren’t the exact words, but that’s basically what they mean…so here is date 1 and 2:

The first guy I went on a date with was from Toronto and we were set up through friends of friends. He wanted to meet at a Keg…”Wow”, I thought, “fancy”.  It went well. No instant sparks or anything, but he was nice and the conversation was easy. Maybe a little on the arrogant side, but what the heck, no one is perfect. I did consider giving him a second date until the bill came. He took the bill and stared at it for the longest time until I said “Ok, do you want to split this then?” and he said “Whatever you want, it’s up to you”…what the heck does that mean? So we split it and any chance of a second date went out the window. He texted me about 4 days later saying, “I had a good time…not sure what your feelings were? But I didn’t feel a romantic connection”…so if I had texted back and been like, “Oh that sucks, I totally liked you…bummer” I wonder what his response would have been? I guess that’s why he didn’t pay for dinner. Personally if the guy invites you out and picks the place, they should pay no matter what.

The second guy actually came up to me at a bar…and then called to ask me out. I knew this guy was trouble cause I was attracted to him…Mark Walberg bod and all! We went out to dinner on our first date..blah, blah, blah…and he was instantly crazy about me. I saw him for a second date and he used a lot of “future” talk. He paid and ordered for me, which I liked, he’s fun and manly, older than me but still acted 17. He had a bit of a trouble youth and obviously has a couple screws lose. He called me twice drunk with strange possessive type conversation and once to apologize. We’ve known each other 3 weeks and he asked me to go away with him. God, it feel as though we’ve dated for a lifetime already! I started to feel sorry for him cause I think he’s a little messed up and super lonely. And now it’s ruined. He was too eager and I told him I can’t be an instant girlfriend and that I have to get to know and trust someone…he got offended and I haven’t heard from him since. Too bad…he had 2 of the 3 things I want in a man 1) to be attracted to him 2) wants a commitment (but not obsessively). Number 3 is just a nice guy…no fuss, no muss. This guy is way too much fuss and seriously needs to clear out some muss. 

So I’m 0 and 2…this is exhausting…I can’t imagine going on 48 more of these. 

Good luck out there gals…it’s rough.

Single Chick