My dating life has become a Seinfeld episode

Last Friday I went on a date…The first date of 2012! Everyone raise your hands up! I met him at a pub the week before and he seemed nice enough so I gave him my number and he text me a couple of days later. Normally texting irritates me but I seem to be the only one out there that thinks when you ask for a girl’s number you should call that girl.

We set up a coffee date, my choice because I thought it wise to get to know someone without the influence of alcohol. We meet outside of Starbucks, I realize that he reminds me of William Shatner (a young William Shatner) he even talked like him but lower and slower.

We grab coffee and head to the upstairs lounge; it was empty except for the one girl on her laptop at the other end of the room. He starts talking in a whisper I assume it was because of the girl on the laptop, but she was too busy chewing big wads of her hair and answering her numerous text messages to notice anything else around her.  I found the whisper a little off-putting because I did not hear half of what he said, and he did not move his lips so I could not lip read if I wanted to.

Shortly after a group of people sat down and started a lively conversation, but he did not get any louder and that’s when I realized I was on a date with a ‘Low Talker’ damn Seinfeld! He probably thought I was a close talker because I had to lean in hear him, which may have been a deal breaker for him as the low talking was for me.

I got through the date but I’m not sure how it ended, he said something about nachos and I replied sounds good. I may have agreed to a nacho date or maybe he said he really like nachos.

I walked home laughing because I know without a doubt my friends would have a field day if I dated a low talker. All in all it was not such a bad date, he seemed nice enough but he is definitely not a match for me.

If a date isn’t what you expected, it’s best just to laugh it off. Find the humor because it is the only way to survive in the dating game.

Have one of your dates felt like a Seinfeld episode?

Goodbye Bad Dates!

Need to be saved from a bad date? Not to worry there is an app for that! eHarmony has created a Bad Date Rescue app.

Here’s how the free app works:

  • Users can pick a number from their address book for the call, from their mother, boss or a friend.
  •  Scripts are available giving the reason for the call, such as a neighbor calling about a leaky pipe; a mother informing that a sister just had a baby; or a boss saying he needs help immediately.
  •  The app can be pre-set before the date to call at a specific time and there is a quick rescue that can be triggered on the spot to ring in a few seconds or minutes.

Why didn’t they think of this 2 years ago when I had my date with Mr. 1986! I’ve just downloaded this app and good news is you do not need to be a member of eHarmony to use it. I wonder if they will come out with a ‘Guaranteed Date’ app (or is the Craig’s List?) so that I can test out the ‘Bad Date Rescue’ app.

Why doesn’t someone create a ‘Bad Life Choices Do Over’ app  or  ‘You’re Wearing Beer Goggles slap in the face’ app to stop us from making the drunken pick up.

If you try this app let us know we’d love to hear your stories.

Cheers to getting out of bad dates!

The rules to Dog Park…

I think this will hit a nerve for you dog lovers out there. Last week while at the dog park with Daisy, two twats walk up to our little doggie play group and made the following comments:

“I don’t really like dogs, why do they always have to lick?”  – Well if you are lucky enough to receive a doggie kiss it’s because they see something good in you and want to share the unconditional love that only dogs can have.  That’s why dogs are better than people; they can see beauty in everything even when it is undeserved.

“Dogs are so stupid all they do is jump and lick” – Once again they jump and lick because they are happy to see you and it is their way of showing love, if only people could be so stupid.

“What kind of dog is this (referring to Daisy) she is so ugly” – Nothing is ugly when it is loved

First rule to dog park – DO NOT go to a dog park if you don’t like dogs!

Second rule to dog park – DO NOT call someone’s dog ugly or stupid!

Third rule to dog park – DO NOT go to a dog park if you don’t like dogs!

Now the next time someone calls Daisy ugly, unlike my beautiful forgiving pup I’ll probably punch them in the face. Hey I have a long way to go before I’m as good as person as Daisy is.

Are you alone, lonely or both?

If you’re single you are alone – meaning that you do not have a life partner; but are you lonely?

Lonely – The painful awareness of being alone

How do you know if you’ve crossed the line of aloneness into loneliness? I’ve crossed that line and I’m no longer happy being alone because let’s face it I’m lonely. Here are the things that made me painfully aware I am alone:

1)      Concerts – Summertime is usually a big concert going time of year for me, I love live music and I love going to big music events.  In the past I had a few people who I could call upon to join me in getting our ‘Rock On’.  However ‘Coupledom’ has claimed them and I cannot impose my crazy concert fetish on them any longer. This year that awareness hit me full force in the face and with that I realized… I’m lonely.

2)      Parties – I am the person that is always showing up alone and NOT because it is my choice.

3)      The warm weather – During the winter months it is easy to hideout and away from people because it’s just too damn cold (my go to excuse). However come spring / summer every time I leave the house I see couples frolicking about. It’s one more reminder that another season has passed and I am still alone.

4)      My iPhone – I love my phone it’s great as a paperweight, for listening to tunes, surfing the net, and getting the weekly calls from mom. It is also my constant reminder that no one is calling me to hangout or see how my day is going. When I go away with the girls they all get messages of – have a great trip, I miss you, and I can’t wait until you come home, etc.  I get a message from cellular provider to remind me that I’ve used 75% of my data plan.

5)      Movies – I love watching movies and every time I see a commercial for a new flick that I would like to see such as ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ or Savages it’s another reminder that I have no one to go with.

6)      Snooki – YES Snooki from Jersey Shores has found love.

Come on! Seriously this boggles my mind, she can find love and I can’t even get a movie date.

So what’s a gal to do when she realizes that she is lonely? I think we just need to ride the lonely wave, cry if you feel like it, feel sorry for yourself, devour a bag of chips, Mint Milano’s or tub of ice cream, write out the reasons why you are happy to be single

Do whatever it is you want to do to acknowledge this feeling. Then get over it! We cannot let loneliness take over our lives, it’s just a moment and like all moments it too will pass and you will go back to being happily alone.

Are you happy to be alone or are you lonely? What do you do to get through the lonely phase of Singledom?

Hot dude to have a fun sex affair with, interested?

While I was blissfully sleeping during the wee hours of Sunday morning, my phone was beeping like mad with text messages. Turns out Nerdy Girl (formerly Single Chick) was on the hunt to find me a booty call. Yes it’s gotten so bad that even my girlfriends are worried the my Va J-J may wither up and die.

I think this is a hint that I need to put myself out there. To be honest I kind of lost interest in my single status.  I’m busy with my 101 in  1001 days list, planning my next vacation, working out, trying to cook and getting up the nerve to book ‘The Edge Walk‘ for my birthday on August 25.

Turns out this major cutie is a friend of a friend, so Nerdy Girl told him all about me (Oh my) and gave him my number.  According to her he seemed interested; I think her drunk meter was at 100% so her perception of his interest is probably way off. However it would be great if he did call because I would love to hear his recap of that conversation.

Are your friends trying to fix you up with random strangers?

Have any of these fix ups ever amounted to anything?

If he calls should I go on a date with him?

Are you overlooking someone?

A few weeks back I had a conversation with a friend’s parents (Roxy and The Big V) in which they said ‘Ok, Kiddo why are you still single?” Since their daughter and one of my BFF”s (formerly known on this blog as Single Chick) is currently in relationship land and they can sleep at night; now it is me that they inquire about.

Roxy asked me if there was someone right under my nose that I am over looking. I thought about it and sadly there is no one sniffing around my door. You see Single Chick had someone right under her nose, and he was very forward about his feelings for her. It took her some time (numerous bad dates) to realize that what she was looking for was right in front of her. They have been together as a couple for just over a year and are very happy.

Also my friend Gabbers who has been married for 10 years was friends with her hubby. He had made it clear that he liked her but she did not think they were a good match and should just be friends. Finally he got tired of hearing about her dates and told her they should be together. He then kissed her and they have been together ever since.

Next is Deeeelicious who is now living with the man the patiently waited almost two years for her to realize that they should be together. He too told her he wanted more than friendship but she said they should just be friends. Then on New Year’s Eve he grabbed her and kissed her; now they own a home together.

I have men in my life but I do not have someone on the sidelines vying for my love like Single Chick, Gabbers or Deeelicious. Or if I do he has not informed me of this but I can’t even fathom anyone in my current circle longing for my affections.

Guys if you are ‘that guy’ waiting for the girl of your dreams to take notice, follow in the footsteps of the men mentioned above. Grab your gal pal, kiss her and tell her you’ve had enough and if she doesn’t want you then you will leave her alone; you are done waiting! You have about a 90% chance of success, that’s  better than the 0% that you have right now.

I do not have someone who I’m pushing away with claims of ‘we are better off friends’; do you? Is there someone patiently waiting for you to realize that the two of you, are meant to be together? If so what’s holding you back?

To Shellac Your Nails or Not to Shellac

Single girls if you don’t get mani’s and pedi’s please book an appointment now and treat yourself. Like your hair, your make-up, your grooming, your skin care routine, you need to take care of your nails. The big thing for nails is Shellac. What is Shellac you may ask? Well according to my brother in law it’s a car polish for your nails, instead of polish and dry, the process is polish and UV onto your nails.

My verdict on Shellac is that it is a must for your hands. If you have ever experienced the feeling of walking out of the nail bar and a minute later ruining your nails, then you will find Shellac a God send. The colour lasts for approx. 10 – 14 days and if you don’t mind nail re-growth (which I do) you could probably have it on for a lot longer. Another option to eliminate the re-growth bother is to get a French manicure, again not my thing but if it works for you this is another great option.

There is a downside to Shellac in that you can’t use regular polish to get it off and the removal process is a lot longer (approx. 10 minutes a hand). Most nail bars will remove the polish for you, but my inner Martha Stewart and laziness of going back to the nail bar has resulted in me removing my own polish. The removal process does take time and I won’t bore you with the details except to let you know that you will need to get 100% acetone polish remover. There are many “How to remove Shellac Polish” videos on Youtube so please refer to  one  of them for the step-by-step process.

I don’t feel the need to Shellac my toenails, as I don’t have any issues with the regular polish and dry system. As with any polish Shellac should only be done sporadically. Your nails need to breath and be free but for holidays and special occasions where nails need to last it’s a great option.

Have you Shellac-ed your nails?  How long did it last for you?  Would you recommend this, let us know your thoughts.

Day Zero Project: 101 Things in 1001 days

Recently I came across a blog post made my Sarah on the Go! she had discovered the Day Zero Project – Day Zero is a community for people who love creating lists, setting challenges, and making positive changes in their lives. I love this idea, I think it is a great way to get things you have always wanted to do DONE. It makes life a little more fun and interesting. If you have a task on the list and the opportunity arises to be able to complete that task then you HAVE to do it, rather than procrastinate, or not do it at all. I started to compile my list on March 29, 2012 and will need to complete all the tasks below by Dec. 25, 2014. This blog post is my first completed task and the first $10.00 deposit being made into my Buddha bank.

If this has inspired you to create your own list please let me know so I can knock #52 off my list.

My 101 things in 1001 Days List:

Places to Visit:

1) Rome

2) Be part of the Papal Audience

3) Visit Florence

4) Buy a Leather Jacket made in Italy

5) Visit San Francisco

6) Visit Australia

7) See 10 famous USA Landmarks

8) Spend a night at the Ice Hotel in Quebec

Writing, Education and Career:

9) Get blog award

10) Get blog featured on WordPress Freshly Pressed Page

11) Have a piece of writing published

12) Enter a writing contest

13) Write a letter to myself to be opened when the 1001 days is over

14) Leave an inspirational note inside a book for someone to find

15) Write all my bad memories on paper, burn this paper afterwards

16) Once a task is completed blog about it

17) Finish my 101 things in 1001 Days list and post first blog about it

18) Graduate from my Holistic Nutrition Program

19) Complete the Personal Image Consultant Course

20) Answer 50 Questions that will free your mind

21) Make a list of 50 places I would like to visit in my lifetime

22) Expand my vocabulary by 100 words

23) Comment on 50 random blogs

Books and Movies

24) Read 10 books from Oprah’s Book Club list

25) Watch Clockwork Orange

26) Watch 26 movies I’ve never seen starting with each letter of the alphabet

27) Go to a book signing

28) Read catcher in the rye

29) Spend a rainy day watching films in my PJ’s

30) Read a Classic

31) Watch 10 Documentary films

Eat, Drink, Be Merry

32) Eat 3 things I’ve never tried before

33) Make poutine

34) Brew my own beer

35) Eat an apple a day for a month

36) Go on a wine tour

37) Don’t eat chocolate for a month

38) Drink a glass of Cristal

39) Eat Dinner by candlelight

40) Don’t drink alcohol for one whole month

41) Make a birthday cake for someone

42) Make every dish in my favorite cookbook

43) Cook Vegetarian Food for a group of friends

44) Learn to make 5 cocktails

45) Take a cooking class for a different type of cuisine

46) Bake 10 different types of cookies

47) Try on new recipe every week

48) Try absinthe

49) Cook a Turkey

50) Have Afternoon Tea in the Library Bar at the Royal York Hotel

51) Do a 3 day juice cleanse

Good Deeds

52) Inspire Someone to make a 101/1001 list

53) Randomly pay for someone in line behind me

54) Pay a compliment to at least one person a day for a week

55) Volunteer for Therapy Dog Services

56) Perform 10 random acts of kindness

57) Donate old clothes to charity

58) Send a care package to a solider

It’s all about me

59) Find out my blood type

60) Take a belly dancing class

61) Lose 25 pounds

62) Enter the Eat Clean diet makeover challenge

63) Get my teeth whitened

64) Go through my closet and get rid of old clothes

65) Identify 101 things which make me happy, or smile, and photograph them

66) Go on a date

67) Get a boyfriend

68) Buy a Vitamix

69) See a live taping of a TV show

70) Meet a celebrity

71) Buy a new car

72) Buy and wear a bikini

73) Go a week without buying anything

74) Do something out of my comfort zone

75) Don’t complain about anything for a week

76) Kiss underwater

77) Create a scrapbook for all my concert tickets

78) Send out Christmas cards of me in a tacky xmas sweater sitting under the tree with my pets. Retro 80’s style

79) Watch the sunrise and sunset on the same day

Things to keep life interesting:

80) Learn to Kite Surf

81) Play the drums in front of people

82) Dog sled

83) Go whale watching

84) Ride in a helicopter

85) Ride in a hot air balloon

86) Learn to shoot a gun at a Shooting range

87) Learn and play curling

88) Take a trapeze class

89) Ride a snowmobile

90) Learn to drive a race car – Exotic racing school Las Vegas

91) See a live UFC fight

92) Try a crossfit class

93) See Cirque du Soleil

The other totally random doable things to get done in 1001 days:

94) Plant a garden

95) Put away $10 for every goal completed

96) At the end of 1001 days use the money that I had put away for every task completed and take my family out to dinner

97) Buy a Magic 8 Ball and base all my decisions on it for a whole day

98) Whenever anyone sneezes say ‘ You’re So Good Looking’ for a day

99) Buy the WTF? Stamp and use it all day at the office

100) Buy and keep alive a houseplant

101) Attend an Elvis Wedding in Vegas

Single Gals Guide to Home Ownership

It’s time I grow up or at least commit to something and unfortunately my car doesn’t count. So a couple of years back I decided to start looking for a condo. I had been on the fence for so long that I finally signed on the dotted line.

I bought a pre-construction condo in the Queen East part of DT. I like the area, I like my unit and I liked how things just fell into place. It’s not a large space but it’s my space, so what’s not to like?

In all honesty my purchase didn’t really hit me until this year. Sounds weird but I didn’t even blink when I wrote 4 large cheques but now that it’s coming closer to my condo being a reality I finally am feeling it.

I don’t know how many of you ladies have taken this step by yourself and trust me I wouldn’t have thought I would be doing this on my own but I am and I did and I couldn’t be happier.

Here are some things I have learned along the way.

  1. Save – You don’t want to be house poor and if you’re single you definitely don’t want to not have money for a social life. Save all you can so that your mortgage payments are low.
  2. Don’t buy above your means. – See point number 1, you don’t want to be house poor and you still want to go out so don’t buy something you can’t afford.
  3. Make sure you have a plan.                                                                                                                        a)Plan how much you want to spend, where you want to live etc…

This isn’t a new dress or shoes, this is a house or condo in my case, so make sure you love it.

4. Don’t be afraid to talk to people about mortgages, interest rates, ways to save etc…Your friends and family are free and the insights they can provide could save you a lot of time and money.

5.Don’t think you have to have it all done at once. I was stressing myself out thinking I needed to have my place all set when I moved in. This isn’t going to happen and it’s not a big deal. Take things as they come and don’t worry if you’re sitting on pillows for 8 weeks waiting for your new sofa.

Last but not least, enjoy every moment. You have worked really hard to own property, take pride in that and know that you have done something for yourself.

BTW – I know my condo will be delayed and I should find out this month for how long, so wish me luck, I really want to be in by the end of the year.

Queen B

The Perfect Man vs. Aliens..does either one really exist?

Some days I feel like I’m Foxy Mulder (yes that’s what I called him) but instead of trying to prove alien existence I’m trying to prove the perfect man exists… Or more appropriately my version of the perfect man.

Like Mulder “I Want to Believe” but each new dating experience leads me to think that there is some universal conspiracy stopping me from finding him. I get signs every once in a while that gives me hope of his existence. For example when a man holds the door open for me who happens to be under the age of 50 (if he’s over 50 that’s not a sign it just old school manners). Or when I have an extremely rare connection with a someone but due to circumstances it is nothing more than a sign to let me know that NICE guys really do exist and to keep believing. Once my faith is renewed the conspirators throw me off the trial by sending along Mr. 1986 who asks if I have man hands after calling me a beautiful giant only to text me later that night with ‘Hello, U there Fag?”

How long am I suppose to hang on to the belief that my perfect man exists. Didn’t Mulder become a little crazed with his quest to prove Alien existence? Isn’t that why he got the nickname ‘Spooky Mulder’? Could it be that Foxy and I are on the same quest? Is the perfect man an Alien?!

Aliens                                                                                                 

1) Spotted at night in rural America

2) There’s lots of debate about what THEY look like

3) Highly intelligent 

The Perfect Man

1) Seen in Chick Flicks of dark movie theatre’s

2) There’s lots of debate about what HE looks like

3) He ain’t no dummy

There you have it Gals the Perfect Man is Alien!  According to Aliens The Truth Aliens reside in the following areas:

  • Area 51 Groom Lake, S4 Papoose Dry Lake, Nellis Bombing and Gunnery Range, Nevada
  • Dulce, New Mexico
  • Datil, New Mexico
  • Four Corners Area, N.M., Arizona, Utah, Colorado
  • Sunspot, New Mexico
  • Pie Town, New Mexico
  • Roswell, New Mexico
  • Northern Nevada

I knew it; ‘The Perfect Man’ loves Mexican food! This explains why I have not had a perfect man siting here in Toronto, I’m in the wrong time zone.

Have you had a Perfect Man encounter? What did your Perfect Man look like? Should I move to New Mexico?

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